MY BOOK IS AVAILABLE

If you did not pre-order my book, Here is the link to order it now. I still can't believe it is done. I pray God can use my story to help others through any storm they may face in their life.

http://www.authorhouse.com/Bookstore/BookDetail.aspx?BookId=SKU-000461029

Here is a re-cap of the book:

My whole life I have dreamed of being a wife and mother. I have always felt so sorry for women who suffered with miscarriages or have lost a child. I never dreamed it would become my own reality... When my fourth child was stillborn, I became entangled in a web of darkness and sorrow so deep I was not sure I would ever be the same. I have been a Christian since I was seven, but it was not until my Bethany Hope died that God brought me to my knees and tested my faith like never before. This book entails some of the dark valleys and struggles I went through during the first year after Bethany died and how Christ never left my side and never will. I am truly learning that life is not about waiting for the storms to pass, but about learning to dance in the rain. When our life takes a wrong turn in our eyes, it might just be a right turn in the direction of Gods.

My Book

I can't even believe how God is working in my life. I started writing as a part of my healing, and God has allowed those writings to turn into a book. This book is my story and I pray others can read it and understand this journey of darkness that so many of us have gone through. Here is a short summary of the book:

"My whole life I have dreamed of being a wife and mother. I have always felt so sorry for women who suffered with miscarriages or have lost a child. I never dreamed it would become my own reality... When my fourth child was stillborn, I became entangled in a web of darkness and sorrow so deep I was not sure I would ever be the same.  I have been a Christian since I was seven, but it was not until my Bethany Hope died that God brought me to my knees and tested my faith like never before. This book entails some of the dark valleys and struggles I went through during the first year after Bethany died and how Christ never left my side and never will. I am truly learning that life is not about waiting for the storms to pass, but about learning to dance in the rain. When our life takes a wrong turn in our eyes, it might just be a right turn in the direction of Gods."

To pre-order a signed copy, please go to this site and order by tommorow, June 17, 2011. If you do not want a signed copy, then the book will be availbale late next week to purchase on your own. Pre-orders should be to you in about 2 weeks. Thank  you all for your love, support, and friendships!

http://stillbirthforum.com/stillinmyarms.html

Change

Change is often inevitable, and yet we all fear it like the plague! I think the worst is when we know change is coming, we try to prepare ourselves, and yet we are still left feeling lost.

                In December, God brought the most precious little girl into my life. She was 9 months old and her parents were in desperate need of new childcare for her. I already kept another little girl that is the same age, so I though it would work out perfectly. It did not take long for Kathryn to mesh right in and adjust to her new schedule at my house. I guess the part that surprised me was the rather fast friendship I formed with her mother.

                Not only did I make a friend I will treasure forever, but I made a friend I truly admire. She is a Godly woman who took on motherhood and work so gracefully. She was able to balance her role as a mother, wife, and teacher with a grace I so deeply admire. She was quick to help me in a jam and was always willing to work with my schedule.

                I know that God never makes mistakes, and will bring the right people into our lives at exactly the right time, but it is so hard to say good-bye. I knew from the beginning that Suzanne was moving at the end of May, but I never expected to make a friend I looked up to and respected so deeply.

                I strongly dislike many types of change in my life, and yet in other ways I welcome change. Saying good-bye to a dear friend has really made me stop and look at my life. So many people value themselves on being well liked and having a large number of friends. I can count on one hand the number of close friends I have had my entire life, and to me, that is worth more than any gold in the world. I would rather value the few close friends I am blessed to have, then brag that I have tons of friends.

                The few close friends I do have mean the world to me, and I am not sure I tell them that enough. No amount of change or miles across the world should keep true friends from communicating, and being a part of one another’s life.

                Change is hard. Change is a part of all of lives at some point or another. We can either embrace it or know that God has new and great things in store, or we can be angry and bitter. What do you choose today?

My Sweet little Kathryn...

Our pedicures! :)

Stressed Out!

"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Luke 11:9

To say that life has been Crazy busy lately, and well; just plain CRAZY, would be an understatement. Somewhere over the last few weeks I felt my life slowly spinning out of control and I just can’t seem to catch up.

                Baseball season has kicked off in full swing, and with two boys playing, WOW are we busy. THIS is a good busy. I LOVE going to their games and seeing the excitement on their face as they run from base to base or make a great play. It truly is a BLAST. Although this is a good busy, it still keeps us running around from games and practices almost every night.

                I have just recently finished my Bachelor's degree after going to school for 10 years! WOW, I can’t believe I did it, I FINISHED. I can’t say it was easy. It was really hard to finish my degree and raise a family; something had to give, and it did. I feel like I have not been able to give 100% to my family in so long.  I have my degree, but now I have to take the state certification test, and I AM TERIFIED!!!!!!   I have once again begun studying and reviewing like crazy. I forgot how bad I am at math! As I have begun to study again, I am learning that I can’t do everything and do a good job. I have been feeling like such a failure as a mom lately because I keep forgetting something going on with one of my kids or something I was supposed to send to school. I just can’t get it right these days.

 My brain is so nervous about this test and every spare moment I have is spent studying, that I can’t give 100% to my family right now and it is killing me. On top of all of this added stress, I also have some medical issues going on. If you know me and have noticed that I have lost a lot of weight over the last few months, your right. The crazy thing is; I was not trying to be crazy thin, and yet that is what has happened. In fact, I was not even trying to lose weight; that is when I realized that something was wrong. The good news is that the doctor does not think it is anything serious and we are working to see what is going on. So, prayers are appreciated, but no worries, I’m fine!

                I have been so overwhelmed with stress this week I have practically made myself sick. As I sat down tonight to once again study, I began to think about our sermon from church on Sunday. Our pastor was talking about prayer. He said that when we pray we should expect God to work, and expect something to happen. It really made me start to think. Here I am worried, stressed, practically sick with all of the stress I have put on myself, and all I am doing is telling God that I can’t do all this. I am forgetting that HE is in control, and that He can harvest ALL my fears and stress if I am willing to let go.

                I have to step back, PRAY, and expect that God is going to get me through this time in my life. We all have periods of time when we struggle and feel like the stress of everything around us is WAY too much to handle, that is when God is knocking and waiting for us to hand it all over. IT IS TIME I LET GO! I have to give this stress to God and know that He will guide me and get me through.  

                I look back to my life and the storms and hurdles that God has brought me through and it reminds me that God is faithful and will also bring me through this stressful time in my life.

LET GO and LET GOD!!!!!  I’m sure trying….

Happy Birthday To ME!

"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

2 Corinthians 4:18

WOW~ I can’t believe another year has gone by. I would like to say that the older I get the wiser I become and the more I have learned. Although I am sure that is true, I can’t help of thinking of the unfinished list, goals, and accomplishments.

          At one point in my life, I dreaded my birthday; one because it was Valentine’s Day, and two because it meant I was getting older. It wasn’t that I didn’t feel special for having my birthday on Valentine’s day, but anyone who knows me will know that I have a hard time letting people treat me special, I hate for people to go out of their way for me; I’m working on this.

          I think we often look at Birthday’s like New Year’s resolutions. We make new goals and new things we would like to accomplish within the next year of our life. I think making goals and list are a great way to keep your life organized on a daily basis, but what goals are we really making for our future? Are we focusing on the here and now, or eternity?

          This is the second birthday I have had since Bethany went to heaven, and I have to say it makes me look at my life a little differently. Before, it was just another birthday, another year gone by. Now, I see that life is so much more than just another day. Life is about living every moment we are given to the fullest, each and every day, and remembering that our life here is simply a vapor and our life in Heaven is Eternal.

          The first year after Bethany died was a very hard and dark year for me. This last year has been more about learning who I am again and how to be blessed with every day I am given. What have I learned this last year? I have learned that God is still here and has never left my side. I have learned that although my insecurities still dance within me, my Savior pours upon me each and every day. I am learning to fix my eyes on what is not seen, but what is eternal.

          I do not dread my birthday or getting older anymore; in fact, I am blessed for each and every day God blesses me to be here with the ones I love. I am blessed for the lessons and experiences I have been through; without them, I would not be the person I am today.