Happy Easter

I was broken and beaten; lost and alone. The suffering was suffocating me from within and I had no escape. I was a prisoner to my own pain and crying out with words of helplessness. I found myself on my knees to many times too count and found myself searching and pleading. I wondered if it would ever end. I wondered if I was strong enough. I wondered what God’s plan must be.

He was broken and beaten. He sat alone in His suffering as He cried out for God to take His pain away and yet He had faith. He was stripped and weakened to the core as they drained every ounce of His pride and dignity.  He walked miles upon miles caring His own death bed as the weight of the world.

I can only imagine.

 I can only imagine how He must have felt. The pain He knew He was going to endure, for me, for you; and yet He walked. He struggled as He cried out in prayer asking if God could make another way. Was this really the plan? Was this the way it had to be?

“Your will, not mine.”  

The sun was beating down on His blood drenched body.

He was beaten, mocked, stabbed and crucified.

 Many watched. Many laughed. Many cried….and too many feared. Feared that He truly was the Savior. Feared this was the end…

And yet, the most amazing thing we know about the crucifixion and the cross is that it is not the end.

Many doubted and many ran in disbelief, but three days later, Christ arose! He is ALIVE!

Christ gave us hope that day. He gave us hope to never give up and never stop believing. He too felt the overwhelming pain and suffering that this world has to offer and pleaded for God to offer another way, but ultimately knew that God’s will would be completed. Without the cross, there would be no future, no hope, and no promise of forever.  

It is because of the cross and my risen Savior, that I know I will spend Eternity with my little girl. My broken heart will be whole again.

Often times we want answers and we want healing and yet we don’t want to hurt. If Christ had not suffered for our sins, there would be no happy ever after. There would be no forever….there would be no cross. Christ took the punishment that was upon us and our reward is eternity….deserving; no. Humbled; we should be.

We should realize that in the midst of any darkness, as bad as it seems, the cross reminds us that God is faithful to finish what He started, and He will give us hope for a new day.

That you God for the cross, thank you God for a Savior, and thank you God for loving me that much!

HAPPY EASTER

Mold Me

Have you ever tried to mold modeling clay? It can be really tough and hard to manipulate at first. It takes time and patience to allow the clay to soften up and mold the way you would like.

I have watched five year olds cry and throw the clay and often claim that it didn't work. They get frustrated and irritated when the clay is unmanageable.

I have tried to explain to them that it takes time and patience to work with the clay before it can be turned into a beautiful piece of art.

Have you ever tried to mold a person? What I mean is, have you have tried to mold someone and make them into what you want them to be? We complain, nag and often walk away feeling like all is lost when we can't get people to behave in a certain way.

Think of our children. Do we mold them? Change them? Do we pick out every little fault and flaw and attempt to dissect it from their very soul.

I think in the attempt to try and better our children, our spouse or friends, we often pick away at every little spec until we feel they are perfect.

I know most parents pick their battles, but sometimes I wonder if I am the one starting the battle? Unintentionally, I think too many parents hold on too tightly to their children; myself including. They begin to get older and crave independence and yet we still crave that control to parent them.

I began to wonder if we are really molding them in the first place? God has given us a family to love and cherish, not critique and change. Encourage and build up, not belittle and tear down. Ultimately, God is the one molding all of us. It is by his guidance and direction that we are who we are. He will guide us to guide our children. All direction comes through Him.

I think back to that modeling clay, and how it takes time and patience before it can become anything worth looking at. It amazes me when I imagine the amount of patience God most have with us. I picture us as being that stiff clay that can't be managed, and yet He is so patient.

He never throws us from his hand or stops molding. He leads, guides, directs, and listens. He looks past our insecurities and our faults and He teaches us to be more like him.

I can't help but wonder if we often put too much focus and what some people do wrong and not enough focus on what they do right!

Instead of molding those we love, what if we just let go and modeled a Christ like attitude. Serve as Christ did, and love as Christ did.

Christ is the potter; let Him take care of the rest!

He is the potter, I am the clay....Mold me and make me, this is what I pray!

Guidance

I have not really blogged in a few weeks. I went from subbing to working full time and it has been a big adjustment. The truth is, I have so much on my mind and yet the words to express it just don't seem to be there.

I feel a little empty to tell the truth. I feel so lost and confused about where my life is going and all the new changes in my life. My new job is great and I feel so blessed that God has opened the door for a job and yet it is challenging. I already feel like I have made a million mistakes. I also know that mistakes allow you to grow, so; I'm trying to grow!

I still struggle with working full time. It just never seems like there are enough hours in the day. Church, cooking, cleaning, baseball, dance, bills, etc; when does it all get done?

I have been so hard on myself because I just can't seem to get it all together. I seem to fail daily! I tell myself to get up earlier to get stuff at home done, but my body is so beat that I just can't. I often wonder if I was cut out for this? How do other moms do it? I am beginning to think there really are a lot of real life super moms out there.

Working in pre-K, I am surrounded by 4 and 5 year olds all day long. I watch their carefree spirit and energy bounce throughout the day as if nothing else in the world mattered. They live day to day and moment to moment and I often find myself envious.

When did life get so complicated? So hard? Why can't it really be as carefree as children make it appear?

I find myself way too often feeling like I am dying just to get by and wondering what I am going to mess up next. I pray so often for God to get me through the day and yet maybe that is the problem.

I think I am praying for God to let me survive; get through the moment. Maybe there is more? In fact, I know there is more. God never intended for us to live a life just surviving and waiting to sink at any moment. He wants so much more for us. I think instead of praying to get by, I should be praying for guidance and wisdom. Wisdom to deal with the unexpected hard days that will always come and guidance to balance a schedule that seems impossible.

The impossible is only impossible when we do it alone. Change is hard, it always has been. I feel like I have lost friends, schedules, and a lot of time since I started working, but I never lost God. I have been a wife and mom for so long, that I often thought it was the only thing I was good at. I knew this transition would be hard, but I think I temporarily forgot that I am not alone.

 I never will be.

I am blessed beyond belief to work with amazing people and mentors daily. I know that God has great plans for me. It is time to let go and simply follow and trust that He will guide me in the right direction.

Proverbs 3:5
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."

The Bully!

She turned and smiled as she looked in the mirror for one last check of perfection. She grabbed her bags and posed for mom to take a picture. The butterflies in her stomach were out of control, but the excitement was also a little too much to take!

It was the first day of middle school and it felt like she had waited for this day forever. There was just something about being in middle school that instantly made her feel older; more mature!

The hallways were crowed and the kids were all laughing and giggling with chatter. She instantly fit right in and made friends. Her bubbly personality was a huge hit.

Weeks and even months went by and she begin to see that first impressions only last so long. Friends began to turn on her and call her names; ugly names. She then quickly found herself in a deep woven web of drama, and somehow everyone was blaming her.

Her deep insecurities began to haunt her day after day. She only wanted to be liked and accepted. She wanted to run and hide, but she couldn't. Day after day she was verbally attacked or abused with cruel words.

Why do they hate me, she often wondered? Why won't they just leave me along? Why are some kids just so mean?

It wasn't long before administration was called and several girls were called to the office.

And yet has anything REALLY been done?!?! NO. 

Why is this such an issue in our schools today? In our society today?

Did she make the wrong friends? Did she try too hard?
She just wanted to feel loved, in fact; maybe they ALL just wanted to feel loved.
I think too often it is the bully who is really crying out for love and attention; acceptance!

Bulling is a poison seeping into our schools and crippling our children day by day. Children are terrorizing and belittling others simply to make themselves appear cool.

When does it stop? How does it stop?

It starts at home. We as parents have to step in and realize that our children our absorbing everything we say and do. They hear the way we speak and treat all those around us and are quick to mimic our actions; good AND bad.

God says we are to be slow to speak and slow to anger and yet we seem to be the opposite as a society.

Bulling comes in all shapes and sizes, and as quickly as an ugly comment about someone can spread, kindness can do the same.

I think it is time we learn to bite our tongue and speak with more kindness. Talk to our children about the affects of bulling and how to stand up for themselves....in the right way.

We can truly be a nation to show love instead of hate, and it all starts with the words we speak.

Help our children make a difference. Put a stop to the bullies in our schools!

"Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." James 1:19

Happy Birthday Kayla



The moment she was born, my world changed forever. I went from being a teenager who knew nothing about life, to a new mother with a precious life depending on me.

I had anticipated her birth for months; dreading it in fact. I had so many fears and doubts of my ability to raise this helpless little baby. I didn't think I could do it; I thought for sure I couldn't!

She was so quite the moment she was born. They wrapped her tight and placed her in my arms. She had big bright blue eyes glaring at her new surroundings. I looked into her little face and I could not believe she was mine.

They took her to the nursery to give her a bath and have the doctor check her out. Brad came back to my room and before he even said a word, I knew something was wrong with my baby.

We rushed to the nursery and there she was, helpless and hooked up to an IV and oxygen. My heart stopped and the tears streamed from my eyes. It was not until that moment that I knew I could love her that much.

She had a bad case of infant pneumonia and had to stay in the hospital for 7 days. I can still remember how Brad and I spent our first week with Kayla sleeping on waiting room couches because I would not leave the hospital.

I realized that week that all fear was gone and I was the one God allowed to be her mother. Through good and bad, I was going to be there for her.

I can't believe that it has been 12 years since that day. My angelical little baby girl has turned into a beautiful, strong-willed, dramatic yet oh so loving young lady!  

I can't even begin to tell you how many compliments I get on Kayla's behavior when she is away from family. I am so proud to have raised a daughter that really understands how to treat people even when mom and dad are not around.

She is beautiful and talented beyond belief. She is growing and diving more and more into God's word every day.

Kayla challenges me everyday to be a better mother and a better person. She keeps me on my toes and on my knees, but I can't imagine my life without her!

I am so excited to continue to watch her develop into what God has in store for her.

HAPPY 12th BIRTHDAY MY SWEET GIRL!!!

Break IN or NOT???

The whole street had a dark yet creepy glow. Of all nights the street light was out and I think my insanity went with it.

My head had been throbbing all night. I had just spent the night in a room with five year olds and fresh paint on the wall; yep, sanity was gone!

All three of my overly excited children were trying to tell my about their night as I pulled into our strangely dark neighborhood. I hit the garage door opener and realized I was closing the garage...I had that moment of...did I leave the garage open???

We got out of the car and walked into the garage only to find that door locked; THAT door is never locked at night! UGH!

I scrimmaged for my keys as we headed through the dark to the front door, only for my body to freeze and my heart to stop as I went to put the key in the door.  

IT WAS ALLREADY STANDING WIDE OPEN....and it was pitch black inside.........................

GET...IN...THE...CAR...NOW! I SCREAMED!

I pulled out of the driveway and drove off like I was a bat. My heart was racing as I sat at the end of the street trying to process what was going on.

As I called 911, I couldn't escape the fact that I felt like my neighborhood  was in the twilight zone. It was never this dark...I HATE the DARK!

I felt somewhat like an idiot as I told the lady on the phone that after thinking it through, I was 99.9% sure that we left in such a hurry earlier in the evening, that one of my kids left the door open, BUT, my husband was not home and I was NOT going in that house!

I then had that next fleeting thought; Why do crazy things ALWAYS happen when Brad goes out of town?

Two police men arrived and parked next door as they pulled up with NO lights on. My daughter was going somewhat crazy with fear and my boys began to think they were watching a real life mystery unfold.

They put on gloves, grabbed their flashlights and placed one hand on their gun before entering the house.....I was slightly scared, my daughter was well; under the seat, and my boys were glued to the door in excitement.

We watched as they went in and out of every room in our house until finally every light came on. The officer came out and told me it looked fine, but he needed me to come in to make sure. I told him I was so sorry and that one of my kids probably left the door open, but I had to be sure. He told me I did the right thing. He said that there are way too many robberies to take any chances.

Well, I only thought this was over...OH NO!

We walk inside and I remembered......I remembered what I was doing before we had gone to church. I had decided to clean out my refrigerator; EVERYTHING in my refrigerator was on my kitchen counter.

He looked at me and said, "Did you leave it like this?"

With a red face I said, "Yes Sir."

We had also left in such a hurry that my makeup, curlers, and everything was still out in my bathroom as well as my dresser drawers OPEN....

OH YES, he then asked. "Did you leave all these drawers open?"

I this point I really wanted to just say, NO, someone came in here and left all the expensive stuff, but took everything out of my refrigerator and ransacked my bedroom!

Only the logical answer was, "Yes sir. I'm sorry we look like pigs and some crazy dysfunctional family, I promise we don't live like this!"

As they left, I'm sure you can guess that we had a talk about DOUBLE checking the front door as you leave!!!

OH, and I guess I will be cleaning the left over MESS off the counter from the mess the sooo called robber left after cleaning out my refrigerator....

To Be NEW!

The crinkle the paper makes as you cling it tightly with anticipation...

The smell of a new bag...

The way the perfect pair of jeans fit fresh out of the store...

The smile on a child's face as they tear into the present they have been dying, yes dying to have for months...

There is just something about having a NEW "toy"  that makes us gleam with excitement. We often save, plea and bargain our way to even get this new gift until the excitement is simply overwhelming.

At first, our new gift is our biggest treasure. We use it and take it everywhere, often guarding it with every precaution. However, like children playing with new toys, the newness begins to wear down.

We become less cautious and often carless as our now "old" gift becomes entangled with our many other treasures. Our gift becomes trapped and lost within clutter and chaos. We lose all pride in the "newness" the gift once brought.

We allow it to become broken, trampled, and placed in no importance in our life.

Was this gift important?

What if this gift mattered?

What if this gift was your SALVATION????

As new Christians we are often eager and excited to learn and absorb all there is to know about the word and Jesus Christ. We soak in every word as if it were our only hope.

As time goes on, I think we get too comfortable. We become complacent in all we do. We feel as though we are past that early stage, we are set in church....and we think we are golden.

The truth is, we are not golden, we are complacent!

The newness has worn off and we forget why we are here in the first place. It is not about us. Yes, we should always be striving to learn more and grow more as Christians, but at some point it is about what we can do for Christ; not ourselves.

We allow our Salvation to be broken, trampled and lost in our lives because we let "life" get in the way. We get hurt and trampled by this world and way too often forget that God is more powerful than any storm that may come our way.

Life happens, but God happened FIRST!  Don't let the newness of your Salvation fade away. It is the one gift the has no shelve life and never needs to be lost in the chaos of life.

Remember, we are here to show others that what you say and do does matter because it glorifies the Lord.

Glorify the Lord in all you say and do today because you are blessed with the gift of Salvation; don't waist it!

Romans 10:13 For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.