Fear is a LIAR

Fear is a Liar

            I could see the two lines slowly begin to appear. My heart was racing and my stomach had knots. The two lines became darker and darker and fear overtook my entire body. I was terrified of being pregnant. Scared really. You see, grief has a funny way of seeping fear into your life. I had wanted another baby so desperately and yet I knew all too well the grief and hurt of desperation. After Bethany had died, I went through 3 more of those pregnancy moments. Three more times that I had to feel the moment of thinking that just maybe this would be the time, and yet I could never let myself be excited because fear overtook my entire soul.  I lived so deep in fear that if my children were not in my sight or my husband was ever late from work, I had full blown anxiety attacks. My heart ached and my soul longed to find peace. I desperately wanted to be set from the prison I had found myself chained to, but I had no clue how to live in freedom. Fear had encapsulated every insecurity and doubt I had ever had.

The truth was, fear had held me captive from the inside out to many times to count.

At times, fear has shaken my ability to be a good wife, mother and even teacher. It has kept me from building relationships or creating friendships for the fear of not being good enough for who I am. It has left me alone, shaken and broken with no hope.

The problem with fear is that fear is a liar. Without the armor of God, Satan will literally paralyze us from the inside out.  God did not give us a spirit of fear; fear is not of the Lord. Fear is a choice that we allow to seep into our very core and control every thought and breath until we are gasping for air to be set free.

Timothy 1:7 says “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”

So often I let the words of this world scream louder than the whisper of His voice on my Heart. I have to choose to listen to what is true and real and cast my fear, doubt and anxieties on Him. I have to tell myself, and let myself hear His voice whisper that, I AM enough. I AM good enough and HE overcame this world so I did not have too.

I John 4:18 says, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear.”

Jesus Christ IS that perfect love. 9 years later after Bethany’s death, my grief no longer consumes me. I no longer live in fear like I once did. I never had another baby after Bethany and yet God turned my anger and fear into peace and Joy. It was His love that pulled me from my darkness and taught me to be content where I was in my life.  God had to show me that my children were never mine to begin with, they were His. She was His. The three I lost after her were His. The three that I am so blessed to be a mother to everyday now, are His. Living in fear does not change that, and will not ever change His ultimate design or plan for their lives. I had to learn that I was wasting precious moments by letting my life be crippled by fear. Bethany gave me the most precious gift in the world. She taught me that tomorrow is never guaranteed. Today is a gift and God is in complete control of how many days we are given. There are moments I still struggle, but yet I remind myself that I can choose to live in fear or joy. I choose joy. Joy that I had her at all, and Joy that I have this life He has given me to serve others and point others to Him in ALL circumstances. When fear begins to seep into my soul, and my insecurities seem to big, I remind myself that fear...

FEAR...IS...A...LIAR!