MORE of you

I am my own WORST enemy. You see, I have often already failed at something before I have even started. Not because I might not be able to do it, but because of the words I have allowed to enter my head, have filled my mind with so much fear and self-doubt, that I have already failed before I have even started!

You get my point!

Years ago, I realized that having any kind of New Year’s resolution was a complete waste of time. I would set out to make myself a goal or something I wanted to change and then I allowed fear and self-doubt to keep me from achieving said goal. I honestly never felt like I was good at anything.

I would vow to be a better mom because I would compare myself to the so called perfect, have it ALL together Pinterest moms I would see around me. By January 2^nd I was yelling at my kiddos, the house was a mess and laundry was pouring into the hallway and seeping out the doors…Yep; I’m not that mom!

I would vow to read my bible more, be a better house wife, better teacher, better friend, or best yet; to get in shape…NOTHING EVER WENT MY WAY!

You see, we all Vow to make the annual New Year’s Resolution. In some way, we vow that we will change our ways, eat better and all around get healthy. We ultimately make a vow to change.

Although these things in and of themselves are not bad goals, they will never bring the change our heart desires for eternal satisfaction.

We need more. More than just a New Year’s Resolution that may or not get lost in the Chaos of life.  

So often, more than I want to admit, I plan my life out and then wonder where God is. I seek control in the midst of heartache. I fear I will never be good enough and I allow self-doubt to take over every thought and emotion running through my body.

These specific fears have often lead me to the verse, Ephesians 3:20:

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us.”

My word this year is, MORE.  I want more of Him and less of me. I want more of Him in every aspect of my life. In my marriage, my home, my job! Without pause, without Him, I am nothing!

I don’t know about you, but I need Him. I am honestly a hot mess almost daily without the saving grace of my Savior.

If more of Him means less of me
Take ev'rything!
All of Him is all I need
Take ev'rything!

I want eternal satisfaction. I want a RELATIONSHIP with Jesus. I want More of Him, THAT is the real change I am seeking. It is the one thing I can do in my life that will last for an Eternity.

You see, tomorrow is never promised and today is a gift. I want to let God use me

RIGHT WHERE I AM… Scary, I know!

God will use you in your mess. He will use you in your brokenness. No change, goal or plan can ever compare to the life God has in store for you when you simple follow Him.

Silence the lies…

I will never measure up…. He is More than enough.

I am not perfect…He is Perfect.

I will never be good enough…He is MORE than enough!!!

This world will quickly pull you in to the surface and fill your head with lies from every angle you turn. From social media, to magazine racks to the girl next door, YOU ARE ENOUGH. You are not defined by the girl sitting next to you or what you may or may not be wearing. Too often we jump to changing something about ourselves to measure up to the standards of the world and then we crash and burn when we can’t meet the word’s expectations.

Well, how about turning to God instead?

Break free of the bondage from fear, self-doubt or whatever it is that was creating the need for change in the first place.

When you have nothing left….Turn to God

When you feel you have failed…God is more

When you feel you will never measure up…He is Always more than enough!

Oh Lord, I am so unworthy. Thank you for being so much more than I deserve!

Take up your Cross...

“May I help you?”

“No thanks, I got it!”

These words seem to haunt me tonight as they run over and over again in my mind like a broken record. Four simple words and yet the weight they carry is so much more…

May I help you seems like such a simple request. You see, I go to Publix too often to count. They ALWAYS, and I mean ALWAYS say, May I help you? They offer to take my grocciers to the car if I have 3 bags or 30, they still WANT to help! My problem seems to be too many to count.

Rushed...

Children Arguing…

Pride…

I rarely say yes. I’m in a hurry or my kids are fighting. I always feel like a burden or that I can easily do it myself, so why should I let them help me?

Tonight my youngest son got upset with me when I tried to help him with his hair. “I’m not a baby mom, I CAN DO IT!” Ugh, those words stung like a bee. I could feel my children growing up way too fast and the need for mama fading even faster. As I walked away with tears in my eyes, I could feel that extra tug on my heart. It was about that time my boy came running in and jumped on the bed. “You forgot to give me our good night kisses mom.” Ahhh, there you have it. He did still want me; he was just growing up.

As I laid down in bed, I began to wonder how often God has prompted my heart, “Let me help, just take my hand, I’ve got this.” I then began to wonder how often I had pushed God away.

“No thanks, I got it!”

I often feel as though the weight of the world has fallen at my feet and yet I forget that it doesn’t have to be my burden to carry.

Simon was forced to carry the cross for Jesus. He truly carried the weight of the world on the cross.

I can only imagine how Simon must have felt when the Guards grabbed him and forced him to take the cross. What must have gone through his mind. Fear? Confusion? Anger?

Then, to look into the eyes of the Messiah. He was beaten, brutally beaten and exhausted beyond means. Was this really him? He stayed humbled, focused and ignored the crowds. 

Simon watched and followed the Messiah as the crowd mocked, yelled and ridiculed Him. I can only imagine what Simon was thinking as he swallowed his pride, took up his cross and began to follow His Savior.

I can imagine that Simon had no clue the impact of that moment in time, but he knew his life would be changed forever.  

The weight of the world had truly fallen at Simon’s feet and yet he was following the one who can truly take every burden straight to the cross. It was never his burden to carry, he was simply called to be obedient.

Then Jesus said to his disciples, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. Matthew 16:24

That moment at the cross might have changed Simon’s life, but it forever changed mine.

But WHY God?

There was once a girl who dreamed of a big family.   A family where kids ran around with laughter and giggles and warmth filled the entire home. Love would radiate from the inside out. The husband would adore his wife with such adoration and life would be invincible.

This dream seemed so obtainable, so possible. This young and naive little girl lived in a world, where although she knew heartache existed, she believed that love could overcome anything.

The dream quickly faded when this girl too quickly grew up and realized that we are not as invincible as she had hoped.

Heartache gives no warning and too often no reason. Pain comes like a thief in the night to steal our joy and cripple our entire world.

You see, we want to be invincible. We want to believe it would never happen to us. The broken friendship, failing marriage, rebellious children or the life gone too soon.

The heartache happens and we are often left standing with the questions and brokenness and nothing seems to make sense.

We cling to the why. We need to know why. If we knew why something had happen or gone wrong then somehow and someway it would make us feel better, give us a reason to understand.

I can remember waiting for days, weeks after Bethany had died for her autopsy report. I needed and craved the answers to her death. I begged God to help me understand why my little girl had to die. The phone rang and my heart was not prepared to hear what I heard…

“The results where normal. Nothing was wrong. It was simply a sudden death.”

I was angry and mad. That was not good enough. I needed more. I could deal with a birth defect, I could understand that my daughter was sick, but to take her for no reason. This I did not understand.

For weeks I became bitter and even angrier with God. I had nothing to cling to anymore, no reason to heal or move on.

Over time God began to tug on my heart. Pulling me closer and closer. I soon began to see that my story was not over. I would never get the answer to why she had to go, but yet, I would see her again. This world is not my forever home.

God had to teach me that it is not always about why something has happened, but about what is going to happen. The heartache we go through can destroy us literally from the inside out. We have to make the choice to believe that it does not define us and our story is not over.

I still believe that love can overcome anything, and even more so when that love comes from a God who promises to turn our sorrows into joy. What will tomorrow hold? Bitterness and anger or hope for a better tomorrow. 

The Lord says, “Forget what happened before, and do not think about the past. Look at the new thing I am going to do. It is already happening. Don’t you see it? Isaiah 43:18-19

The "Perfect" Church?!?!

            I find myself doubting so much today. My self-esteem, motherhood, being a wife, teacher; really everything.

I look at the world around me and my heart simply hurts. I hurt for my children and I hurt for what has become.

I wonder where love and kindness for one another has gone. Do any of us even care anymore? Are we so wrapped up in making things perfect or right for our cause that we are forgetting the most important cause of all…? To Love and bring others to Him.

1 Corinthians 13 says, 

“If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. ³ If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it;^[a] but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.

I recently passed a church and the name simply struck me. It was called, “The Perfect Church.” 

Now, I know nothing about this specific church and their reason for its name; however, it made me think.

We are the “church”. We are the hands and feet of Jesus. The church is sooooooo much more than a building or the name plastered on the outside for others to see. The church resides in the heart of every person willing to be what we were called to be.

 I get it. I SO GET IT! 

Inside the walls of the church it can be easier to be what God has called us to be. We can love and have compassion and understanding because we are with likeminded people. So what happens when we leave that building? Or better yet, people leave the “church” because they still are not getting that all-encompassing love and forgiveness that we are called to give.

We lose our since of security. We forget how to love those who are different or need Jesus more than ever.  We lose track of those that are truly hurting and crying out for help. We become stagnant and complacent. And sadly, we forget how to be the hands of Jesus to our enemies; those who are often desperately seeking to fill a void. 

Matthew 5:44 says, But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!

We are called to love our enemies. There is no exception or reading between the lines. We are called to PRAY and pray hard. We are called to love and love ALL!

…but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.

I was not put here to judge others. Believe me, I disagree with SO much of what people do sometimes, but my job is still to LOVE. Love like it hurts. Love till they feel it.

Perfect is a word that has never sat well with me. I struggle with wanting perfection in an imperfect world. I make unrealistic expectations and then struggle to understand why things fall apart and where the perfection went.

The truth is, there is truly no greater gift than to love. Love can calm an aching heart and show forgiveness and kindness to the most unlikely souls.

My doubting heart finds rest in knowing that yes, I fail daily. I get it wrong more than I choose to admit. But the failures of this life lead us to love and encourage others. Lift others up and be the light this dark world is so desperately crying out for. 

I pray we can remember that perfect is so far from existence while on this Earth, but yet I hope I can teach my children to look past the walls of the building itself and be the church we are called to be. Be the hands and feet of Jesus without hesitation.

Love with no restrictions!