Monday, September 17, 2012

Parenting is tough

I found this picture online and I loved it! Are we this passoniate about our prayer life? Do we fall before God and just pray and listen? I want to be!

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:8-9

Being a parent is the hardest job in the world. Every day I send my children into the world praying I have taught them well and I am guiding them in the right direction. Now, my children are far from perfect and I stumble and fall as a parent daily; I think we are often on a rollercoaster ride together!

As a parent who truly cares about every detail of my kids’ lives, maybe too much, I know I can appear to be too involved or overbearing. The problem is I love them too much and unfortunately I also know reality; I’ve been there! Unlike so many people I know, I know what it feels like to have your child one day and stand at their funeral the next. I know that tomorrow is no guarantee and that scares me to death sometimes.

At any moment any one of my children could be gone. I wonder with every event of their lives if I am guiding them in the right direction. I know it sounds crazy, but I can’t tell you how often I wonder if my words to them, my help or guidance might be the last thing I say or do for them.

I’m not saying I live in fear because I don’t, I just want to do everything right, I want to give them my best with every day that God gives me with them.

I mess up and fall flat on my face too many times to count. So often I really think I am helping and just end up making a big mess out of things. My heart is in the right place and I love them so much it hurts. It hurts that I don’t have my other little girl here to fight with, love on and make her life just as fun and crazy as my other kids.

When you lose a child you world is never the same, your life is never the same, and you could never parent the same way you did before.

I question every decision, doubt myself too often, and pray that one day these chains of grief that hold my heart captive will break free.

Being a parent is always a reminder that there is one sweet little girl in Heaven I will NEVER get to parent.

At the end of the day my only saving grace is that Christ holds the key to my heart. On days when I feel like everything is falling apart, HE is there. On days when I feel like it is too hard to be a parent, I turn to the only true Father I need to guide me.

On days when I have no answers at all, I fall to my knees and He is there to listen and guide. He is my example. I want to be a parent who listens, loves and guides. Who corrects and disciplines when needed.

 I want to be a parent who never stops caring and never stops trying no matter how often I think I may fail or get it wrong.

And most of all I want to be a praying parent who never stops seeking guidance from Christ!

Today is here and my sweet little girl is a daily reminder and gift to me that life is short.  I have to live each day doing the best I can and being who God has called me to be. I will always love her and miss her, but through her death I learned that I can’t get yesterday back, but I can decide how I will react about today no matter what the outcome may be!

It doesn’t matter if we try and fail or try and succeed, as long as you live your life for GOD! Mistakes are simply an opportunity for God to work on your heart and allow you to grow!!!
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  1. This is a great line and I feel like I can relate to it: "I’m not saying I live in fear because I don’t, I just want to do everything right."

    I think of Zeke as my cheerleader in Heaven. It's neat thinking we have people up there encouraging us to be the best we can ;)

  2. For me this post is almost out of my league as I have never really gotten to be much of a mother since my loss was so soon in the journey. However It speaks to me because I long to hold TanaLee's hand through life even after her death and now the prospect of another child is in view and how much I yearn to worry and laugh and smile over this life for many years to come. Everyone I've ever known has told me- "You never stop worrying about them". Even when our kids grow up and have families of their own, we will still worry. But soon God will wipe out our tears and the pain of this life and bring us back to the life he purposed from the beginning. For now we can just think about the scripture in Matthew and try to put it into action, for Jesus said,"...never be anxious about the next day. (Matthew 6:31-34)
    hugs mama, its good to hear from you.

  3. I love having my own little cheerleader, right next to God! I LOVE THAT VERSE Felicia! I cling to it OFTEN!!!


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