Thursday, June 30, 2011

Infant Death...

In a World full of Darkness, God sends light through tiny little angles, even when it doesn’t seem that way.

            I have never understood our Worlds view regarding death and what is right or wrong. When a loved one dies, people grieve and reflect on the life they had. The recall memories of their life and the great things they did. They remember them and move on because they can reflect on the life their love one had.

            When a parent losses a newborn, the grieving process seems so different. There is no life to reflect, no memories to recall, or at least not many.  People do not want to talk about it and in fact, they want you to forget about it and act like it never happened; move on.

            The truth is; NO mother can simply just move on. Losing a child changes your entire being and life forever. So many times I have gotten the awkward looks and strange glares when Bethany’s name comes up in a conversation.  I feel like it is the white elephant in the room. When people ask me how many children I have, I happily answer four. Three here on earth, and one waiting for me in Heaven. I am not ashamed to talk about my daughter, nor do I care for their discomfort in the topic.

            The problem with people is that they do not know what to say or how to respond when a parent talks about their lost child. They are uncomfortable when a mother talks about a baby in Heaven because they are at a loss for words.

            Our angels in Heaven where created, and where given life through our Lord Jesus Christ. Our life is limited and numbered according to the plans Christ has in store for us. Each and every angel who has left this World to soon has a plan, a gift, and reason for being created. We might not understand why our children did not get to come home with us. I was never given a reason for my daughter’s death, and I have come to understand that until I reach Heaven’s gate, I will never know why my baby died. I have to be content in knowing that Christ has a purpose for her and through her, lives can and will be changed.

            I forbid to lock my daughter’s memories away in a box and pretend like she did not exist. Our society and those around us must learn that the death of child is just like any other death. That child was still a life who had a purpose and a meaning in this World.

            The darkest day of a mother’s life may feel like the day she holds a precious life knowing she will never bring that baby home or give them a life she has planned for them. The bitter sweet reality is learning that God sent that angel to you for a very specific purpose. It is learning that although you will not bring your child home, your child lived for as long as God needed.

            Our sweet angels our changing the world because we are willing to share our stories. We are willing to take a stand and allow others to see our angels living through us. We are keeping them alive.

            I continue to keep my daughter alive by keeping her part of my family. I love her, I cherish her, and I miss her. I hate that others feel awkward when I talk about her, but I also know that by talking about her,  I am keeping her alive within me and I am healing more and more every day. Until we are reunited in Heaven, she will remain a part of my life here on Earth. I vow that one by one we can change society’s views on infant death and allow them to see that no life is ever in vain.
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  1. Thank you for this post. It is very encouraging. My husband and I were just talking about this very thing this evening. I am still struggling telling people I have 3 children. Not because of societies views because I have no problem talking about Henry to anyone. I just can't bring myself to say 3 yet. I get so upset with myself when I answer 2. I hope one day I am able to include my angel.

  2. Very well said Amy. I totally agree, understand, and feel what you've said. Thanks for sharing. HUGS!

  3. We shouldn't ever have to forget our babies or "move on". Grieving a child is so different, especially grieving a baby. You lose hopes and dreams.

  4. hey this is Felicia- email:

  5. I am so glad you will never lock her memories in a box. I lost a baby to miscarriage and openly talk about my loss with my children. (They lost a sibling they will not meet until we all see each other in Heaven).

    My sons often correct me when people ask how many children I have and I answer "3". They tell me, "No, Mummy. You have 4 children - 1 in heaven." It can be awkward for the enquirer! But I have learned to smile and say, "Oh yes! You are right." to my sons. And then calmly tell the person I had a miscarriage.


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