For you created my inmost being; you knit me
together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and
wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. -Psalm
139:13-14
…4 tiny heartbeats
that never had a chance…
…One little life
that ended too soon…
…Miracles from
ashes and a lifetime to remember…
I am a sacred place
because of you, I am sacred because of Him!
There are times it seems as though a
lifetime has passed and I look at my life and question the things I have gone
through; as if they really happen. I think I often picture myself looking
through a mirror and yet I’m not the reflection I see; this CAN’T be happening
to me, or is it?
4 miscarriages later. No…that was
NEVER supposed to be me….
A
stillbirth…..NO! My little girl that I carried so carefully for 9 whole months
and yet…gone…nothing! I did not get to bring home the most precious gift in the
world, my world crashed faster and deeper than I ever could have imagined.
The truth was, I wanted her to stay.
If she stayed safe inside me then I didn’t have to let go, I didn’t have to
heal or deal with, well; reality.
The reality of it all is that YES,
it did happen, YES, I went through SO much and even more so, I conquered. I am
stronger than I ever thought was possible.
I hurt, I cried, I fell deeper than
anyone should ever have too, and yet my Lord and Savior was right there
waiting to catch me.
I guess the biggest reality of it
all was that I LOVED being pregnant. Caring my babies, feeling them move and
bonding with them was a feeling I just can’t explain. It truly was the most
precious and sacred bond God could have given me with them.
I struggled for the last two years
in learning that I had to have a hysterectomy. For medically reasons, my body desperately
needs this procedure. The time has come, and as crazy as this sounds, a piece
of my heart is going away. A part of my very soul thrived in having children
and all I went through. That time is gone. I think and believe that there is
something special about Bethany Hope being the last baby I carried. That is a
bond her and I will always carry and have. The one thing I will have with her
and only her.
My body will never
be perfect, I’m no model. My stomach will never be flat….I have tried, BELIEVE
ME! However, I am sacred because of the gift of sacred life Jesus Christ
allowed me to have and created within me. I am blessed!
My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is
made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my
weakness, so that Christ‘s power
may rest on me. That is why, for Christ‘s sake, I
delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in
difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. -2 Corinthians 12:8-10
PS! I am fine and we do not need anything other than prayers. Surgery is at 7:30 AM Macon Medical center
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