Jealousy

Do you ever feel like Cinderella? Everyone else is always one step ahead of you. Someone else always seems to get what you want. You work and work and yet you feel like you are going nowhere. You are at the bottom of the totem pole while all of friends are surpassing you with success, children, and even finances; when is your turn?

Jealousy; seems so easy to run from, and yet we all seem to struggle with this to some degree. We crave what others have whether it is one’s body, house, money, or even their personality. We all fight to not fall into this scary dark pit, but yet sometimes it’s hard to see when we are even there.

                We live in a society that surrounds us with visions that thin is in and the more money you have the better you are. Unless you are the hit of the party then you are nobody at all. Our children are all ready introduced to an extreme amount of peer pressure to fit in and belong at a very young age. Instead of working hard for nice things or receiving them as birthday gifts; top dollar bags and purses are now back to school items for many children.

                I am no stranger to this jealous trap. It is even worse when it is someone you love. You love them and long to be happy for them, and yet deep down you desire the gift they have been given; pregnancy, a baby.  After Bethany died, I craved so deeply what other mothers had. I wanted to be a new mother taking care of my baby. I would see so many women I knew who were pregnant and it just didn’t seem fair; I wanted it. I struggled for so long when I would hear pregnant women complain because I would have given anything to go back and feel my little girl alive inside of me again…it angered me.

                The problem with jealousy is that it is so hard to let go of because it follows you wherever you go. I have found that my jealousy is not just of newborns anymore. Now, any baby I see that would be Bethany’s age, I long for. When I see a mother with four children I can’t help but think, that should be my life.

                God clearly states that jealousy is wrong, and yet it is so hard to overcome. We…(I) have such a hard time letting go of what I can’t have and accepting that my life is perfect the way God wanted it. I know that and I have to convince myself of that on a daily basis. I have to turn my jealous heart and feelings over to my God who has a perfect plan for MY life. I might think I want what everyone else has, or feel like others get things before I do, but God’s timing is perfect for MY life.

                I am learning that when God does bless me, it means that much more because I have waited for it, and I know it is my turn in HIS eyes. I am learning to let go of the "perfect" life so many others appear to have. When one door closes in my own life, I know God is going to open another door, sometimes I just have to be patient.

                Are you willing to let go of the jealousy trap we all seem to fall prey  too? How can we focus on the blessings God has given us if we are too busy focusing on what others have?