Guidance

I have not really blogged in a few weeks. I went from subbing to working full time and it has been a big adjustment. The truth is, I have so much on my mind and yet the words to express it just don't seem to be there.

I feel a little empty to tell the truth. I feel so lost and confused about where my life is going and all the new changes in my life. My new job is great and I feel so blessed that God has opened the door for a job and yet it is challenging. I already feel like I have made a million mistakes. I also know that mistakes allow you to grow, so; I'm trying to grow!

I still struggle with working full time. It just never seems like there are enough hours in the day. Church, cooking, cleaning, baseball, dance, bills, etc; when does it all get done?

I have been so hard on myself because I just can't seem to get it all together. I seem to fail daily! I tell myself to get up earlier to get stuff at home done, but my body is so beat that I just can't. I often wonder if I was cut out for this? How do other moms do it? I am beginning to think there really are a lot of real life super moms out there.

Working in pre-K, I am surrounded by 4 and 5 year olds all day long. I watch their carefree spirit and energy bounce throughout the day as if nothing else in the world mattered. They live day to day and moment to moment and I often find myself envious.

When did life get so complicated? So hard? Why can't it really be as carefree as children make it appear?

I find myself way too often feeling like I am dying just to get by and wondering what I am going to mess up next. I pray so often for God to get me through the day and yet maybe that is the problem.

I think I am praying for God to let me survive; get through the moment. Maybe there is more? In fact, I know there is more. God never intended for us to live a life just surviving and waiting to sink at any moment. He wants so much more for us. I think instead of praying to get by, I should be praying for guidance and wisdom. Wisdom to deal with the unexpected hard days that will always come and guidance to balance a schedule that seems impossible.

The impossible is only impossible when we do it alone. Change is hard, it always has been. I feel like I have lost friends, schedules, and a lot of time since I started working, but I never lost God. I have been a wife and mom for so long, that I often thought it was the only thing I was good at. I knew this transition would be hard, but I think I temporarily forgot that I am not alone.

 I never will be.

I am blessed beyond belief to work with amazing people and mentors daily. I know that God has great plans for me. It is time to let go and simply follow and trust that He will guide me in the right direction.

Proverbs 3:5
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."