Friday, December 10, 2010

The beginning-Part 2

"The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold."
 Psalm 18:2
I was coming too as the drugs they had given me had began to wear off, I see the nurse walking towards me holding my precious little girl. Tears begin to flow from my eyes as she places my little girl into my arms. I gently pull her close and sweetly kiss her head as I look at how perfect she appears. I can feel the silence in the room and see the tears falling from all who surround me, and yet I feel as though this can't be real. I lay Bethany on the bed gently cradling her head and began to dress her and carefully exam her perfect little body. My heart is pleading for her to open her eyes and this all be a mistake and yet she sweetly lays there, no motion, no sound, she's really gone! I had imagined this moment in my head a million times, the moment she was born and I saw her for the first time and yet this was nothing like the visions I had imagined. My heart began to pound as I thought of my other three children who were at a friend's house and had no clue, HOW would I ever tell them? Brad and I both felt we just needed to get through the day and God would show us how to tell them. We did agree that we felt it would be too much for them to see her pale body and red lips, I know God lead us to make the right decsion (Although any decision is ok, God will lead your heart in how to tell your children and if you should or should not let them see their lost sibling, this was just right for us). I'm sure many people had come and gone from my room that day, but I honestly can't remember. I curled up in the bed with my baby girl tight in my arms and drifted off to sleep. As I awoke from our nap for a minute I closed my eyes and prayed this was all a bad nightmare. As I placed her tiny face next to mine it was cold and I new this was only the start of my nightmare. Handing her over to the nurse felt like someone was ripping my heart out and simply walking out of the room with it. As I sobbed in my husbands arms, he bagan to sing the song, Restore to ME. At that moment we both knew that was exactly what we needed from our heavenly father, complete restoration. I had the honor of sitting in church months later and listening to him sing this song after telling our testimony. I felt touched and honored that God was being glorified even through our tears. We are being restored and will countinue  to be because Jesus Christ can and will restore even the broken heart that has been ripped away! 

Restore to Me by: Glory Revealed
Hide Your face from my sins
And cover my iniquities
Create in me a clean heart
And renew a right spirit within me

Don't cast me away from Your presence
Don't take Your spirit from me

Restore to me the joy of Your salvation
Restore to me the wonders of Your love
Restore to me the joy of Your salvation
Restore to me, restore to me

Deliver me from this hour of darkness
Through the pain and brokenness
And I will sing of Your loving kindness
and of Your righteousness
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