The Funeral

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

My heart was pounding as we pulled into the parking lot of the funeral home. I remember looking around thinking that this place would forever be part of my life and my memories. I walked inside the entry way and looked at the doors leading into my daughters funeral. What I'm sure was only a few seconds seemed like an eternity as they started to open the doors. I took about three steps and then there it was. I did not see the canvas picture or beautiful flowers surrounding her, I simply saw the smallest little urn sitting on this small round table and my heart sunk and my knees buckled, I was not sure I could keep going. Seeing the urn as I walked to the front of the church was a reminder that Bethany was gone and all that was left were her tiny remains in this tiny little vase, "how do I keep moving?" Somehow I made it to the front of the church and sat down as I sobbed on my husband's shoulder. Why was this hard? I could never have prepared myself for something like this and yet here I was with a front seat view to my own daughters funeral, it just doesn't seem right. I listened as our pastor spoke so perfectly of her name, Bethany Hope, and then as a friend began to sing the words to my favorite song. I had not ask her to sing this song, but I know that God laid it on her heart to sing, "You are my all in all". I remember thanking God at that moment for caring me through this and being my all when I had nothing left of myself. We left the funereal and I came home and crawled into bed. I had somehow spaced out the people and voices circulating throughout my home and slipped away into the covers. I think part of me just wanted that day to be over. I drifted off to sleep as I sang the following words through the tears hitting my pillow:

 

Words to ALL AND ALL

You are my strength when I am weak

You are the treasure that I seek

You are my all in all

Seeking You as a precious jewel

Lord to give up, I'd be a fool

You are my all in all

Jesus, Lamb of God, worthy is Your name

Jesus, Lamb of God, worthy is Your name

Taking my sin, my cross, my shame

Rising again, I bless Your name

You are my all in all

When I fall down, You pick me up

When I am dry, You fill my cup

You are my all in all