Sunday, April 24, 2011

Happy Easter

Everything was placed out perfectly, the waffle mix was made, and the Easter Bunny had arrived; we were ready! Every Sunday I find myself rushing around looking for that missing shoe or putting a hair bow in my daughter’s hair as we are walking to the car. I just can’t seem to ever get all of us ready and on time in a smooth manner. I was determined that today was going to be different and I was prepared.
I had everything from socks and shoes to hair bows laid out and ready to go. I would love to say that my great preparation made the morning go off perfectly, but I would be a tad bit off by leading you into fairy tale land. For the most part, everyone was able to find their things, get dressed, and be ready on time; although I was still running out the door with my shoes in my hand! I was excited that we were actually early to church for once.
We had an amazing Easter service and an amazing Sunday school class. In our class we were talking about suffering and the types of human sufferings that we have witnessed in our life. Bethany’s death was fast to spill from my lips, as were the tears filling in my eyes. Bethany’s birthday is a week away, and I was a little unprepared for this lesson, so needless to say my emotions got the best of me. I was taken back to a moment I had the morning of Bethany’s funereal. I was on my bathroom floor crying and feeling as though I couldn’t move; I felt lost and alone. I was angry that I had to get dressed to go to my daughter’s funereal when I should be at home caring for her. I was broken and felt too weak to move. In that moment God reminded me of the crucifixion. He reminded me that He himself knew exactly how it felt to bury a child and the hurt that I was feeling inside. I wasn’t alone.
                I can’t imagine how God felt sacrificing His only son for MY sins and yours. I didn’t willingly give up my child; God did, and because He loves us so much that He made a way for us to get to Him.
                As I looked around at everyone all dressed up in their Easter best, I couldn’t help but wonder how much of it was real and how much are we hiding behind… For weeks after Bethany died I would get dressed up and put on a smile and go through the motions, and yet I was playing a part; I was dying on the inside. Today I spoke about my daughter even though I knew it was hard. Part of me wanted to stop talking as soon as I felt the tears, but I am learning that I have to be real. I can’t hide behind my fears, and I have to trust that God will use me and speak through me when my emotions seem to take over.
                Are we willing to look past the appearance and look into ones heart? Do we care enough to check up on one another when things have been tough? Are we too busy playing our own role that we are blinded to the needs of others?
                Today marks a day when Jesus Christ made the biggest and best sacrifice anyone can and will ever make for you; He gave his life so WE don’t have too. He rose from the grave to rein on high forever! He will never leave us and He will never forsake us. Praise God we can celebrate Easter, and Praise God we can celebrate a risen King who knows the fears we are hiding behind because He took them to the cross and gave His life so we could be FREE. Hallelujah!

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  1. Great post Amy! I'm glad you're sharing your heart with us!

  2. Amy,
    i'm so glad that you spoke through the tears and that yesterday was spent on thinking of your family and others.
    I'm so sorry that soon Bethany's b-day is fast approaching but one thing you must remember is that she is safe and no longer suffering. I hope that when this day arrives you can surround yourself with hope and love. I hope that that day will be kind to your aching heart. The b-day of our children is no longer joyful but if we can train ourselves to think about others and about Jesus example we can make through such a sad day.
    Thinking of you,

    P.S: You all are looking sharp in the photo. LOVE it!



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