Tuesday, August 16, 2011


I was asked by a friend to do a guest blog on her blog. I was so honored! Here is what I wrote:


As a society, we seem to crave control. We want to be in control of every move we make and we want the authority to do as we please.

As children, we long to be an adult; thirsting for independence and control. We can't wait to be on our own so we can start making all the rules!

When we become a parent, we feel as though we have somewhat achieved this control; we now get to say no!

The problem is this: these precious children I think I have so much control over, are not always right by my side. They go to school, church, and other places where I have no control and I cannot protect them.

The truth is...."I" am not in control....I thought my daughter was safe and protected.  I thought I had a plan of what our life was going to be like once she was born. I heard her strong and healthy heartbeat....I thought she was coming home.

 I have had a lot of "alone" time as my children have been back in school. So many times I found myself thinking of my little girl that "should" be here. I think of how busy I should be with a two year old right now instead of aimlessly wondering what my other children might be doing.

I think back to the moment Bethany was born. I had so many plans for her life. She many plans for our family...  I never planned for her to be stillborn, and I never thought it was part of God's plan for her. It was easy to be angry and mad at first. I felt robbed of what I thought I was supposed to have. What I thought I had the right to have.

As a mother, I thought that my children were mine, ALL MINE. From the moment I knew there was a life inside of me, I was bonded so deeply. It was not until Bethany died, that God made me see....I AM NOT IN CONTROL. They are ALL HIS children. I am simply the one He blessed to be their mother.

God is the maker and creator of ALL life. He makes NO mistakes. I have no say in any of my children's life's and how long I get to be with them. These days are numbered according to the plans God has in store for them; each of them.

I finally learned that God had a plan for my sweet Bethany, and she lived exactly as long as God planned her life to be...37 weeks inside my belly!  Through her death, He can and will be praised.

All four of my children are a gift from my Heavenly father, and I was chosen to guide them and lead them in His direction, NOT to choose the life they may or may not live. I will not live in fear when my children are not with me because they are in the hands of my Lord and Savior.

Are you still craving that control in your own life or are you willing to give control back to the creator who has your life perfectly planned?

My friend who posted this on her blog is a great Christian mom and wife. To check out her blog, go here.
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  1. So well written...I have learned this control lesson as well, a very hard lesson to understand. Great job on expressing your views and feelings.


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