Loss

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Matthew 5:4

Why are some things in this life so hard? Just when you feel like you can strongly stand on two feet, the rug is once again ripped out from under you. As you try and catch your breath, you once again try and fathom why so many families have to go through the heartbreak of miscarriage and loss. It's not surprising that any time I hear of someone losing a baby, my heart stops for a split second and my whole body aches so deeply for them. I know the hurt, agony, and pain they are feeling. I know the guilt and questions racing through their mind.

The surprising part is when I get a call and it is someone I know; someone I love. I hate the thought of anyone ever going through this kind of loss, but the reality of it being someone who means so much to me is just killing me. I want to make it better, help, and take away the pain; knowing I can't doing any of those things.

I sat here tonight while my dear friend was at the hospital and I simply re-lived every moment of my miscarriage before Bethany. I was at the same hospital she is at and I could picture everything she was going through because I had also gone through it. I was 13 weeks when I was told my baby had no heartbeat. I was lost and confused.

It is moments like this when it seems so hard to understand Gods plan in the midst of darkness. How can you find joy or goodness when a life you thought you were bringing into this world is suddenly gone? I'm not sure I will every completely understand why miscarriage happens or the pain and suffering that comes along with it. I do however know that If I had not had my miscarriage then I would never had gotten pregnant with Bethany. I know I went on to lose Bethany, but she was still a HUGE gift from God in my life. A gift that has taught me more in the last 2 years then I think I have learned my entire life. A gift the reminds me daily to not take life for granted. A gift that I would not trade for anything in this entire world. A gift I would not have had without the heartache of my first miscarriage.

Sometimes we don't understand why things happen or what God's plan for our life may be, but the truth is;  He has a plan far better than we can imagine. Nothing seems fair about what my friend or any woman who has a miscarriage is going through, but I believe that God can it will use any situation in our life to glorify Him, IF we let Him.