Sunday, August 21, 2011



You're in a dark hole and the walls are caving in. There must be a way out and yet you can't find it to save your life. Your whole body collapses as you fall to your knees crying in desperation. As you look up, you can see a small light beaming through, but you can't seem to make you body move; your heart stands still in time.

The light appears stronger as you reach you arms forward begging your body to move. The more your heart aches the more it seems the enemy attacks and you sit still and alone far from the light.

You begin to fight an internal battle within your own heart, asking and pleading for answers. On one hand the light seems so easy to grasp and on the other laying in the darkness  and simply fading away seem easy too.

After Bethany died, I struggled with this darkness. Some days it just seemed easier to be depressed and angry. I began the battle within my own heart. Do I really want to be healed? Do I believe I can be healed? If I answered yes to these questions then it might mean I wasn't mourning my daughter's death or I didn't miss her anymore. If I let Christ heal my heart then it meant I had to REALLY deal with her death; was I ready for that?

So often I think we forget WHO we are questioning. We question God as to why something has happened when He is the giver and taker of life. We question if God can heal us when He is the miraculous healer.  I think the real question is do we really want to be healed? If we look deep into our hearts then we already know that Christ can shine through and lead us out of the darkness, but are we really ready to move on? Are we willing to shine as a light that we can get through the darkness?

The opportunity to shine is there, but are you willing to take it? Are you content in the darkness? Does moving forward and healing mean you might have to work through the hurt?

Christ is there waiting to shine through us, He is unchanging. We have to make the choice to get up and walk towards the light and truly believe that He can
 Shine through the darkness.....

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  1. Good question, do I really want God to heal me of all the hurt and pain? You are helping me to understand that God is the only way I can be heal. thank you for sharing these words of hope.

  2. Very interesting...I struggle with thought of being "healed" or not hurting as bad but my mind does make me feel guilty. I want to feel better again...I want to be me again...but I feel like I need to feel this way because he is gone, its just a big cycle that I am sure at some point I will make peace with.


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