NEW FACEBOOK PAGE

 I am so excited about this! My friend Nicole and I have just launced a new facebook page. It is a page dedicated to anyone who has lost a child and is looking for prayer or help. Please use it to reach out for prayer request, to ask questions, or to just talk with others. We are really hoping to reach many parents and to show them that Christ is there ready and waiting to guide us through this journey of loss. Please feel free to share this page with all your blog friends so we can get the word out!

Angels with Christ

 

 

Water Time!

We LOVE the water, and I can't believe it's that time of year again. My kids are water bugs, and as soon as it turns hot, they want to go swimming all the time. Easter Sunday was a hot and fabulous day. We got home from church and had a great family lunch and then decided we needed to head to the lake. So, we packed a picnic for dinner, packed the car, and off we went. It was an amazing afternoon. There was no fighting, no stress, and pure happiness. We sat on the beach, played in the water, and had the best picnic ever. It was trully a GREAT family day!

The Kids hating that we made them stop for a picture!

My little man having a BLAST! And yes, he threw the sand at the camera...

The water was great, just a little cold for me...

We grilled hotdogs right out of the back of the truck :)

Our GREAT picnic!!!

Bowtie Pasta

Tasty Tuesday

OK, I know I have been so stressed and crazy busy the last few weeks and have not posted my Tuesday recipes. Well, today I finally am posting one and it is SO YUMMY. This one I created one night when I was just playing around with some things and it turned out GREAT! It looks plain, but the sauce is AMAZING!

Bowtie Pasta

1/2 cup butter
3 slices bacon
1/4 cup diced white onion
1/4 cup diced red pepper
1 tsp. minced garlic
1 pint heavy whipping cream
1/2 cup Parmesan cheese plus extra to top
1/2 box  bowtie noodles
s&p
chicken(any kind...I have added grilled or tore up a rotisserie chicken to use)

Directions

~Saute bacon in 1 Tbl butter to slightly brown. Then add red pepper, onion, and garlic and saute about 4 or 5 more minutes or till tender. Start cooking your bowtie noodles in another pot.
Add the rest of the butter, heavy cream, and Parmesan cheese. Bring to a slight boil over medium heat, then simmer for about 10-15 minutes, stirring off and on. Sprinkle salt and pepper to taste. Once noodles are cooked, drain pasta and add pasta to sauce. Stir in Chicken pieces and sprinkle Parmesan cheese on top. |

~Serve with salad and bread!

If you use the whole box of bowtie noodles then double the sauce recipe.

Happy Easter

Everything was placed out perfectly, the waffle mix was made, and the Easter Bunny had arrived; we were ready! Every Sunday I find myself rushing around looking for that missing shoe or putting a hair bow in my daughter’s hair as we are walking to the car. I just can’t seem to ever get all of us ready and on time in a smooth manner. I was determined that today was going to be different and I was prepared.

I had everything from socks and shoes to hair bows laid out and ready to go. I would love to say that my great preparation made the morning go off perfectly, but I would be a tad bit off by leading you into fairy tale land. For the most part, everyone was able to find their things, get dressed, and be ready on time; although I was still running out the door with my shoes in my hand! I was excited that we were actually early to church for once.

We had an amazing Easter service and an amazing Sunday school class. In our class we were talking about suffering and the types of human sufferings that we have witnessed in our life. Bethany’s death was fast to spill from my lips, as were the tears filling in my eyes. Bethany’s birthday is a week away, and I was a little unprepared for this lesson, so needless to say my emotions got the best of me. I was taken back to a moment I had the morning of Bethany’s funereal. I was on my bathroom floor crying and feeling as though I couldn’t move; I felt lost and alone. I was angry that I had to get dressed to go to my daughter’s funereal when I should be at home caring for her. I was broken and felt too weak to move. In that moment God reminded me of the crucifixion. He reminded me that He himself knew exactly how it felt to bury a child and the hurt that I was feeling inside. I wasn’t alone.

                I can’t imagine how God felt sacrificing His only son for MY sins and yours. I didn’t willingly give up my child; God did, and because He loves us so much that He made a way for us to get to Him.

                As I looked around at everyone all dressed up in their Easter best, I couldn’t help but wonder how much of it was real and how much are we hiding behind… For weeks after Bethany died I would get dressed up and put on a smile and go through the motions, and yet I was playing a part; I was dying on the inside. Today I spoke about my daughter even though I knew it was hard. Part of me wanted to stop talking as soon as I felt the tears, but I am learning that I have to be real. I can’t hide behind my fears, and I have to trust that God will use me and speak through me when my emotions seem to take over.

                Are we willing to look past the appearance and look into ones heart? Do we care enough to check up on one another when things have been tough? Are we too busy playing our own role that we are blinded to the needs of others?

                Today marks a day when Jesus Christ made the biggest and best sacrifice anyone can and will ever make for you; He gave his life so WE don’t have too. He rose from the grave to rein on high forever! He will never leave us and He will never forsake us. Praise God we can celebrate Easter, and Praise God we can celebrate a risen King who knows the fears we are hiding behind because He took them to the cross and gave His life so we could be FREE. Hallelujah!

               

Fun in the SUN!

    Growing up is something we all do, and yet I am having a REALLY hard time watching my youngest get older and older with each passing day. I feel like I am trying to hold to each precious moment and treasure him being small, because I am learning that right before my eyes my sweet little man is fading away into such a big boy. Brayson is in public pre-K at the school and he loves it. He gets to ride the school bus with his brother every day and he really loves it when I let him buy lunch. He has grown up so much this year and it has been so bitter sweet to watch. Today he got to experience FIELD DAY for the very first time. I have never seen a kid so excited about something before. He brought his shirt home on Monday, and it has been sitting out on the end of his bed all week. The child that I have to drag out of bed was fast to get dressed and fast to help gather his things for the day; He was pumped!

   I am very blessed to watch two babies, not twins, that have amazing parents. They were more than willing to let me take the girls to field day with me so that I could see Brayson and be part of his big day. I am blessed that they allow me to not only be a part of their child's life, but trust me and allow me to take the babies where I need to so that I can still be a mom!

I had my big helper by my side, AKA, my 11 year old daughter...and we were off to Field Day. I think the best part of the day  is when I run over to get the first picture of Brayson and he realizes that I am there; that smile made the whole day PERFECT!

Cowboy Run.

What good team work!

Easter Egg Hunt!

Look how GOOD we are!

Our lunch at the park.

     

Our Love Story-11 Years Later

We married young; In fact, many didn’t think we would even make it. We were both 20 on our Wedding Day. Our life has never exactly been easy, but yet we have never exactly taken the easy route. I have known Brad since I was in seventh grade; WOW, hard to believe sometimes. Throughout High School we were always really good friends, but yet we both knew there was something different between us. By the end of our senior year, we had finally become an official couple just in time for the summer to arrive and Brad to leave for college. I was devastated when Brad left. It was not so much that he was leaving me to go to school; it was more that I really knew I loved this guy and I had no clue what would happen to us. I had seen him every day for so long and then he was just gone.

                I began going to a local community college where I could take theater dance, and I loved it. I was given a full paid scholarship to dance and I consumed myself with it.  Even if I didn’t have a dance class, I would spend all of my spare time in the dance studio, I LOVED IT. It truly became a huge part of my life. Between work and school, I practically lived there.

                During that first year of college, I learned to let go of Brad. I learned that God might have something or someone else in store for me. Brad and I had still been communicating off and on throughout the year, and I finally knew that I had to completely let him go. I actually sent him a letter telling him all of this and that I needed to end our friendship because it was the best for me. Not long after Brad got the letter I received a phone call from him. He told me he missed me and that he knew we were soul mates and that we were meant to be together forever.

                Brad came to visit the next weekend and every feeling I had ever had for him came rushing back….I was in love.

                …..3 months later I discovered I was pregnant, 19, and unmarried. I felt scared, alone, and if I had betrayed my family and every commitment and belief I was ever taught. For months I pushed Brad away. I knew he loved me, but I could not let a baby sway his decision to be with me. Brad started to come to every doctor’s appointment I had, and he would leave school on the weekends just to spend time with me or help me pick out stuff for the baby. Brad showed me that he loved me for me; baby or no baby.

                3 months after our daughter, Kayla Elisabeth, was born, we were married. I remember walking down the aisle thinking, “I’m 20, I have a daughter, and I am about to marry my best friend.”

                11 years later we have been through birth, miscarriage, death, trials, debt, and heartache, and yet I can’t imagine anyone I would rather have by my side. He has been my strength when I was weak. He makes me laugh when I’m angry. He has prayed for me when I was sick. He allowed me to be a Mom while he has sacrificed and supported our family for the last 11 years.

                I have a shoulder to cry on, a man to love, and most of all, someone who has seen me at my worst and yet continues to stand by my side.

                I vow now to teach young girls about purity and the importance of waiting until they are married. Our daughter is a gift from God, but our choices were not what God had planned. Life is hard, and too often we choose to complicate it even more because we choose the desires of our own heart over the will of God. I am so blessed with a man that loved me for me, and stood by me time after time throughout the difficult journeys we have faced; so often this is not the case.

                Our life has not always been easy, but we have worked hard for what we have. I admire my husband for all that he has done and sacrificed for our family, and I don’t say thank you enough.

I am proud to be among the few who married young and are still married today.

HAPPY 11^th ANNIVERSAY BRAD! I LOVE YOU!

Stressed Out!

"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Luke 11:9

To say that life has been Crazy busy lately, and well; just plain CRAZY, would be an understatement. Somewhere over the last few weeks I felt my life slowly spinning out of control and I just can’t seem to catch up.

                Baseball season has kicked off in full swing, and with two boys playing, WOW are we busy. THIS is a good busy. I LOVE going to their games and seeing the excitement on their face as they run from base to base or make a great play. It truly is a BLAST. Although this is a good busy, it still keeps us running around from games and practices almost every night.

                I have just recently finished my Bachelor's degree after going to school for 10 years! WOW, I can’t believe I did it, I FINISHED. I can’t say it was easy. It was really hard to finish my degree and raise a family; something had to give, and it did. I feel like I have not been able to give 100% to my family in so long.  I have my degree, but now I have to take the state certification test, and I AM TERIFIED!!!!!!   I have once again begun studying and reviewing like crazy. I forgot how bad I am at math! As I have begun to study again, I am learning that I can’t do everything and do a good job. I have been feeling like such a failure as a mom lately because I keep forgetting something going on with one of my kids or something I was supposed to send to school. I just can’t get it right these days.

 My brain is so nervous about this test and every spare moment I have is spent studying, that I can’t give 100% to my family right now and it is killing me. On top of all of this added stress, I also have some medical issues going on. If you know me and have noticed that I have lost a lot of weight over the last few months, your right. The crazy thing is; I was not trying to be crazy thin, and yet that is what has happened. In fact, I was not even trying to lose weight; that is when I realized that something was wrong. The good news is that the doctor does not think it is anything serious and we are working to see what is going on. So, prayers are appreciated, but no worries, I’m fine!

                I have been so overwhelmed with stress this week I have practically made myself sick. As I sat down tonight to once again study, I began to think about our sermon from church on Sunday. Our pastor was talking about prayer. He said that when we pray we should expect God to work, and expect something to happen. It really made me start to think. Here I am worried, stressed, practically sick with all of the stress I have put on myself, and all I am doing is telling God that I can’t do all this. I am forgetting that HE is in control, and that He can harvest ALL my fears and stress if I am willing to let go.

                I have to step back, PRAY, and expect that God is going to get me through this time in my life. We all have periods of time when we struggle and feel like the stress of everything around us is WAY too much to handle, that is when God is knocking and waiting for us to hand it all over. IT IS TIME I LET GO! I have to give this stress to God and know that He will guide me and get me through.  

                I look back to my life and the storms and hurdles that God has brought me through and it reminds me that God is faithful and will also bring me through this stressful time in my life.

LET GO and LET GOD!!!!!  I’m sure trying….

Chicken Chili

This is a recipe I found, and it is  the best chicken chili  I have ever had, and I had to share it with you! I only added half an onion, 1/2 can green chilies and I did not use the 1 (18.75 ounce) can tomatillos,  I substituted the salsa Verde(1/2 jar), which is a green salsa found in the Mexican section of grocery stores.  I think it is better that way! It is great when topped with cheese and fritos.

Ingredients

• 2 tablespoons vegetable oil
• 1 onion, chopped
• 2 cloves garlic, minced

• 1 (14.5 ounce) can chicken broth
• 1 (18.75 ounce) can tomatillos, drained and chopped
• 1 (16 ounce) can diced tomatoes
• 1 (7 ounce) can diced green chile's
• 1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
• 1/2 teaspoon ground coriander seed
• 1/4 teaspoon ground cumin
• 2 ears fresh corn
• 1 pound diced, cooked chicken meat
• 1 (15 ounce) can white beans
• 1 pinch salt and black pepper to taste

Directions

1. Heat oil, and cook onion and garlic until soft.
2. Stir in broth, tomatillos, tomatoes, chilies, and spices. Bring to a boil, then simmer for 10 minutes.
3. Add corn, chicken, and beans; simmer 5 minutes. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

Recipe From:

http://allrecipes.com//Recipe/white-bean-chicken-chili/Detail.aspx

20 Things Angel Mommies Wish you Knew

A friend posted this on her blog and I loved it. It puts into words what SO many of us have felt so many times. Our angels who have left this world too soon, are still a part of  us; we can't just let them go.

I WISH

1. I wish you would not be afraid to mention my baby. The truth is just because you never saw my baby doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve your recognition.

2. I wish that if we did talk about my baby and I cried you didn’t think it was because you have hurt me by mentioning my baby. The truth is I need to cry and talk about my baby with you.

3. I wish that you could talk about my baby more than once. The truth is if you do, it reassures me that you haven’t forgotten him and that you do care and understand.

4. I wish you wouldn’t think that I don’t want to talk about my baby. The truth is I love my baby and need to talk about him.

5. I wish you could tell me you are sorry my baby died and that you are thinking of me. The truth is that it tells me you care.

6. I wish you wouldn’t think what has happened is one big bad memory for me. The truth is the memory of my baby, the love I feel for my baby, the dreams I had and the memories I have created for my baby are all loving memories. Yes there are bad memories too but please understand that it’s not all like that.

7. I wish you wouldn’t pretend that my baby never existed. The truth is we both know I had a baby growing inside me.

8. I wish you wouldn’t judge me because I am not acting the way you think I should be. The truth is grief is a very personal thing and we are all different people who deal with things differently.

9. I wish you wouldn’t think if I have a good day I’m “over it” or if I have a bad day I am being unreasonable because you think I should be over it. The truth is there is no “normal” way for me to act.

10. I wish you wouldn’t stay away from me. The truth is losing my baby doesn’t mean I’m contagious. By staying away you make me feel isolated, confused and like it is my fault.

11. I wish you wouldn’t expect my grief to be “over and done with” in a few weeks, months, or years for that matter. The truth is it may get easier with time but I will never be “over” this.

12. I wish you wouldn’t think that my baby wasnt’t really a baby and he was just blood and tissue or a fetus. The truth is my baby had a life. My baby had a soul, heart, body, legs, arms and a face. I have seen my baby’s body and face. My baby was real person – and he was alive.

13. My babies due date, Mothers Day, celebration times, the day my baby was born and the day I lost him are all important and sad days for me. The truth is I wish you could tell me by words or by letter you are thinking of me on these days.

14. I wish you understood that losing my baby has changed me. The truth is I am not the same person I was before and will never be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to get back to “”normal” you will stay frustrated. I am a new person with new thoughts, dreams, beliefs, and values. Please try to get to know the real me-maybe you’ll still like me.

15. I wish you wouldn’t tell me I could have another baby. The truth is I want the baby I lost and no other baby can replace him. Babies aren’t interchangeable.

16. I wish you wouldn’t feel awkward or uncomfortable talking about my baby or being near me. When you do, I can see it. The truth is it’s not fair to make me feel uncomfortable just because you are.

17. I wish you wouldn’t think that you’ll keep away because all my friends and family will be there for me. The truth is, everyone thinks the same thing and I am often left with no one.

18. I wish you would understand that being around pregnant women is uncomfortable for me. The truth is I feel jealous.

19. I wish you wouldn’t say that it’s natures way of telling me something was wrong with my baby. The truth is my baby was perfect no matter what you think nature is saying.

20. I wish you would understand what you are really saying when you say “next time things will be okay”. The truth is how do you know? What will you say if it happens to me again?

-Author Unknown