We have officially been back in school for one whole month. This means the so called craziness of what we call life has resumed in full force. In other words:

"Why don't you have shoes on? We are walking out of the house and I'm leaving NOW!"....

"Why do I need shoes?"

“Mom, I have NO more underwear left.”

 

"Mom, I left my lunch at home."

 “Hurry up and eat before we leave for practice.”

 “Where are your cleats? Where is your dance bag? HURRY UP WITH THAT HOMEWORK!

Did you practice piano?”

And my favorite: “DO we have ANY food in this house?”

Yes, this is what WE call life! The crazy thing is; I’m not sure I will ever get the hang of it. As crazy as most of those scenarios are, they are all true. Laundry seems like it has multiplied by 50 now that I have started working. I just never have time to keep up with it, and as soon as I do, there is MORE!!! 

I’m really not sure when there is ever time to go to the grocery store, I mean really; CEREAL for dinner???

I can’t tell you how many appointments I have forgotten or forgotten to even make; good grief!

I seriously need another me walking around reminding me what to do ALL day long. I am so very exhausted at the end of the day and so often I just don’t even know where to start when I do have 5 minutes to breathe.

The truth is; it’s killing me! I so want to be super mom. I want to be great at doing it all and be great at getting it all done and the reality is; I feel like I am miserably failing!

I want my family to be happy and I want my kids to love life, but I don’t want them to have a mom that never has it together.

Why is it that as a mom it becomes so easy and natural to feel like a failure when things go wrong? We place so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect in all we do and we raise the bar so high that we can never obtain the perfection we are trying to reach.

I was half-heartedly tucking my sweet little boy into bed and he hugged me so tight he wouldn’t let go. I said good night and tried to pull away. I’m not sure I will ever forget his words…. “I’ll NEVER let go! I’ll love you FOREVER!” I sank into the bed beside him as tears filled my eyes. There was something about what he said that made me feel that Jesus was whispering those words in my ear. It was almost like He was using my sweet little boy to remind me that He was always there and He would never leave me, EVER!

Throughout all my imperfections and flaws, my Lord loves me just the same. I don’t have to be perfect, I don’t have to be super mom, and I never will! Now, am I going to have it all together by tomorrow, probably not, but I know that I am not alone. Jesus is there guiding me and reminding me that I can do this.

If we have cereal for dinner, well I don’t have to feel terrible because at least my family was able to eat. I have to learn to stop being so hard on myself and allow Jesus to help find a way and a plan to figure out this life that He has laid out for me.

I’ll NEVER let go! I’ll love Him FOREVER. He will Never let go. He will love you FOREVER!  Treasure the blessings God wants you to have….treasure the gifts and moments that often come through our children because the real truth is this;  I would not trade any of it for a moment of peace even if someone begged me :)

 

First Day of School 2012!!!

 

 

Faith to BELIEVE

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. ⁶ But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. James 1: 5-6

Getting to the finish line was anything but easy. I guess there was a part of me that thought this journey would be easy; well, easier. I thought I would finish my degree, get a job, and start working. Boy was I wrong! I had no clue that my plan was no exactly what God had in mind.

          God needed me to wait….be patient…and listen. Do you know how hard that is? I have taken the teaching certification test many times, and was beginning to feel incapable of passing. I wanted to give up.

          I then begin to see that I was somewhat like a wave tossing in the ocean. The lack of faith in my own life was throwing me back and forth and all over the place. I was defeated because I felt defeated. I gave up. I forgot that even through the bumpy spots of the journey, God was still there. My vision was blurred to the reality of God’s goodness He had in store.

          Through the unknown paths and heartache, God reminded me to have faith. He reminded me that this was His plan and He would see me through.

          My journey to getting a job and becoming a teacher was not meant to be easy because I still had so much to learn.

          I learned that if I doubt God’s wisdom how can I accept that He has given it to me?  I learned that I can never give up and never stop believing that God has a plan for me.

          As I opened my e-mail this week and finally saw the words “PASSED” on my test, my eyes filled with tears as I praised God for His faithfulness. I know that I will get to teach in God’s timing and I know that my life is always in His hands!!!!

Praise God for the faith to believe!!!

Trust in HIM

Psalm 143:8, "Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life."

DO you ever feel overwhelmed to the point of not even knowing where to start?

Your brain is going a mile a minute, and yet you can’t seem to slow down long enough to put one thought in order.

Where does God fit into this chaos? This overwhelming, can’t think straight, busy day or life?

Sometimes I look around at the mess and it seems too big! I feel as though the walls are caving in and I can’t escape. Is it the mess in my house, my life, or both?

I often wonder where I might schedule God into this lifestyle. I’m overwhelmed and yet where is God? Is He there when I show up to church on Sunday’s? Is He there in the midst of my mental breakdown? Is He there when I just can’t take it anymore and I am begging Him to rescue me?

Yes, He is there, but He wants more. He wants to be there ALL the time, not just when we are crying out for help in the midst of chaos.

He wants to guide you through the mess and into the calm. He wants to show you that life doesn’t have to be overwhelming.

I think the problem with too many Christians have is that we think we have to show the world our life is perfect, simply because we are Christians. We think others expect to see us living great because Christ has saved us.  We are ashamed to let others see us broken.

We don't need to show the world that life is perfect with Christ; we need to show them that we are broken and life is renewed with Christ!

Life is overwhelming, messy and downright crazy, but God is ready and waiting to walk hand and hand through the mess with you. Trust that He will guide you and love you like no one else ever could.

Put your trust in God to bring you through every moment of your life, good or bad. Don’t just look for Him in the chaos or when you go to church. Look for Him every morning and every minute that you breathe.

He will love you…He will guide you….He will NEVER leave you!

A team overcoming Adversity

Have you ever had to overcome adversity?

 Do people seem to make life frustrating?

Sometimes people can make your life hard. They are immature, they lie and often beat you down to nothing. This is when you must step up to the plate. Show your maturity and strength in the person you were created to be. A mature person of love and character. We can't fight every battle, but we can show love through every situation.

This baseball season has been anything but the "perfect" season. The boys have played amazing, but as all kids sports seem to go, SO much more came along with it.

Rules seemed to change from day to day, and never in our favor. If we were winning, then other teams seemed angry and out to get us. We were "told" on for the craziest things...really, I even got thrown out of the dugout! REALLY! I know! This game is suppose to be all about the boys and yet so many adults made it all about the win and who is better. If they noticed us doing one minor thing wrong, then we were reported, and often reported wrongly.

Technically, only three coaches can be on the field. I was the team mom who was "calmly" keeping the boys in order, but made four adults on the field, so someone had a board member kick me out.

When did it stop being about ball and start being all about who is following which tiny rule someone overlooked.

In the midst of all of the adversity our team went through this season, including a coach stepping down because he said it was more important for his son to play baseball then to watch the adults act the way they were, the boys taught me a HUGE lesson.

In one of our games, a rule was being discussed by coaches and board members on the field. This had caused the game to momentarily stop. As the adults were frustrated over what the ruling should be, I look over at the boys to see if they even cared, and this is what I saw:

These boys gathered together and started throwing the ball around. They showed me what it meant to be a "team" That it didn't matter what the officials decided, they were there to play ball, win or lose, it wasn't going to bring them down!

I was SO proud of our boys in that moment. Even more so, when the call on the field was against us, and they still got up and played their hearts out with a smile on their faces.

We made it to the championship game and we didn't win, but came in 2nd for the whole season. In my eyes, they are winners because they proved that it is not about the score board or winning the game, but about being a team and loving it with all your heart.

It's not if you win that matters, it's how you play the game that is remembered!

WAY TO GO MINOR BRAVES 2012

Prepared....or Not?

I was ready....I was prepared! Or so I thought...

Exactly this time three years ago, I can still remember anxiously roaming about hoping I would go into labor.

My body was more than ready and I felt prepared. The nursery was ready, clothes washed and my hospital bag was packed.

I can remember thinking that the 37 weeks I had been pregnant had flown by and yet as I set and waited on her to come, the clock stood still!

I would sit and hold my stomach as it would rumble back and forth from the gentle rocking of her little hick ups. I felt huge and uncomfortable. I had not been sleeping very well and I just knew that was God's way of preparing me for many sleepless nights with a newborn....

He was preparing me, but not for what I thought. I thought I was ready, prepared. I thought I had left no stone unturned, only I forgot to prepare one thing; my heart!

I never prepared my heart for what was going to happen in my life and how God was going to use it.

I'm not saying I should have prepared my heart for something bad to happen, only that we should always be in prayer for God's will in our life, good or bad.

When Bethany died, I never imagined my heart could break so deeply and yet I also never imagined it could live again. I was so hurt, I let myself forget what a big God I serve and that nothing is ever too big for HIM!

A soldier would never go into battle unprepared and yet we as Christians often go into life DAILY without preparing our heart to give 100% control to God no matter what may come.

Should we live in fear; never, but we should live knowing that God is in control; ALWAYS!

As Bethany's birthday fast approaches, I find myself missing her and loving her, but most of all, standing in awe of God's amazing grace to pull me through the darkest valley of my life.

Is your heart prepared to give God control no matter what your day may bring?

Happy Easter

I was broken and beaten; lost and alone. The suffering was suffocating me from within and I had no escape. I was a prisoner to my own pain and crying out with words of helplessness. I found myself on my knees to many times too count and found myself searching and pleading. I wondered if it would ever end. I wondered if I was strong enough. I wondered what God’s plan must be.

He was broken and beaten. He sat alone in His suffering as He cried out for God to take His pain away and yet He had faith. He was stripped and weakened to the core as they drained every ounce of His pride and dignity.  He walked miles upon miles caring His own death bed as the weight of the world.

I can only imagine.

 I can only imagine how He must have felt. The pain He knew He was going to endure, for me, for you; and yet He walked. He struggled as He cried out in prayer asking if God could make another way. Was this really the plan? Was this the way it had to be?

“Your will, not mine.”  

The sun was beating down on His blood drenched body.

He was beaten, mocked, stabbed and crucified.

 Many watched. Many laughed. Many cried….and too many feared. Feared that He truly was the Savior. Feared this was the end…

And yet, the most amazing thing we know about the crucifixion and the cross is that it is not the end.

Many doubted and many ran in disbelief, but three days later, Christ arose! He is ALIVE!

Christ gave us hope that day. He gave us hope to never give up and never stop believing. He too felt the overwhelming pain and suffering that this world has to offer and pleaded for God to offer another way, but ultimately knew that God’s will would be completed. Without the cross, there would be no future, no hope, and no promise of forever.  

It is because of the cross and my risen Savior, that I know I will spend Eternity with my little girl. My broken heart will be whole again.

Often times we want answers and we want healing and yet we don’t want to hurt. If Christ had not suffered for our sins, there would be no happy ever after. There would be no forever….there would be no cross. Christ took the punishment that was upon us and our reward is eternity….deserving; no. Humbled; we should be.

We should realize that in the midst of any darkness, as bad as it seems, the cross reminds us that God is faithful to finish what He started, and He will give us hope for a new day.

That you God for the cross, thank you God for a Savior, and thank you God for loving me that much!

HAPPY EASTER

Mold Me

Have you ever tried to mold modeling clay? It can be really tough and hard to manipulate at first. It takes time and patience to allow the clay to soften up and mold the way you would like.

I have watched five year olds cry and throw the clay and often claim that it didn't work. They get frustrated and irritated when the clay is unmanageable.

I have tried to explain to them that it takes time and patience to work with the clay before it can be turned into a beautiful piece of art.

Have you ever tried to mold a person? What I mean is, have you have tried to mold someone and make them into what you want them to be? We complain, nag and often walk away feeling like all is lost when we can't get people to behave in a certain way.

Think of our children. Do we mold them? Change them? Do we pick out every little fault and flaw and attempt to dissect it from their very soul.

I think in the attempt to try and better our children, our spouse or friends, we often pick away at every little spec until we feel they are perfect.

I know most parents pick their battles, but sometimes I wonder if I am the one starting the battle? Unintentionally, I think too many parents hold on too tightly to their children; myself including. They begin to get older and crave independence and yet we still crave that control to parent them.

I began to wonder if we are really molding them in the first place? God has given us a family to love and cherish, not critique and change. Encourage and build up, not belittle and tear down. Ultimately, God is the one molding all of us. It is by his guidance and direction that we are who we are. He will guide us to guide our children. All direction comes through Him.

I think back to that modeling clay, and how it takes time and patience before it can become anything worth looking at. It amazes me when I imagine the amount of patience God most have with us. I picture us as being that stiff clay that can't be managed, and yet He is so patient.

He never throws us from his hand or stops molding. He leads, guides, directs, and listens. He looks past our insecurities and our faults and He teaches us to be more like him.

I can't help but wonder if we often put too much focus and what some people do wrong and not enough focus on what they do right!

Instead of molding those we love, what if we just let go and modeled a Christ like attitude. Serve as Christ did, and love as Christ did.

Christ is the potter; let Him take care of the rest!

He is the potter, I am the clay....Mold me and make me, this is what I pray!