"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3: 5-6
I finally began unpacking and putting away all of the Christmas goodies that had seemed to make their way onto my bedroom floor. For some reason our bedroom had become the drop spot for everything we didn’t know what to do with when we unpacked the car after our Christmas vacation. This room needed some serious TLC! As I came to the hope chest my mother had given me for Bethany, I decided it was time to gather her things and transfer them into the chest. I got the box down from my closet where her things were and began to go through them. I had not realized how long it had been since I had looked at her stuff. My eyes began to fill with tears as I pulled her hospital blanket close to my face. My heart broke as I smelled the blanket. For weeks after she died I would sleep with her blanket because it still smelled like her, a sweet newborn baby; that smell was gone. I pulled her socks and outfit from the box. They still have stains of her blood on them. There was a small envelope with clips of her dark hair. Then I came across a round clay plate with her footprints and handprint engraved in it. I could not believe how tiny and perfect they were. I began to miss her so much and felt so helpless and inadequate in this moment. I wanted her back. The verse above came to my mind and I began to say, “Trust in the Lord”. As hard as it was to hold her stuff and miss her so deeply, I also knew she was in the arms of my Savior and I had to trust that he was right there taking care of me and ready to get me through this difficult moment. I gently put her stuff away as I could feel Christ reminding me that I was here to help other women who are going through what I have been through. Her life was not in vain and she was sent to help others. I will be a voice to share with others the importance of allowing Christ to heal your heart throughout any storm that may come your way. I choose to DANCE IN THE RAIN!
This was beautiful Amy. I am so glad you started a blog to share and to encourage others. I am so sorry about your loss and know you will get to see her again someday! I had a miscarriage last year, and I also look forward to seeing my baby someday. :)
ReplyDeleteHello, I am now a new follower of your blog due to you following mine. :)
ReplyDeleteI not to long ago started to organize TanaLee's things and came across a bag full of things from the hospital-a blanket tightly wrapped in this bag was the one that we wrapped her in just before she died...four months later (at the time)
the blanket still smells of her. Every time I look at that blanket or even look at all I collected from her 7 months of life bring tears to my eyes. My faith is what gets me through and I try and focus on the future instead of what's in my life now...its a challenge for sure...but its do-able.
~Felicia