Refresh

"So that by God's will I may subsequently come to you with joy and be refreshed in your company." Romans 15:32

I love the smell and feel of a clean house.

The window is open and the brisk cool breeze is saturating the entire room. The candles are lit and the smell is circulating throughout the house. I sit back soaking in the joy of my freshly cleaned house as I sit cuddled up in a blanket. I feel the breeze sweep across my face and I can't help but feel a peace.

I started my afternoon of cleaning toilets, scrubbing the refrigerator, vacuuming and mopping, with somewhat of a hurry up and get it done attitude. I love a clean house, and I also knew that I would really love to enjoy a relaxing Sunday afternoon, without cleaning, but I don't really like to clean!

After every bathroom or project I would clean I would feel so refreshed and good! I felt a calm and peace as if I was really doing something for my family. My hurry up attitude began to slow down and it simply felt nice to accomplish a new project.

So often I forget how blessed I am to have a home to clean and a family to clean for. I know all too well how fragile this life that God has given us really is, and yet I still often forget to absorb every precious moment.

As I sit soaking in the refreshing felling of my home, I can't help but to be refreshed by God's love for me. I feel the breeze wrap around me as if Christ were reminding that he is always here. So many days I question His motives for my life and I feel as though I am running this race alone. The breeze reminds me that I might not always see Him or feel Him, but He is always there. He is waiting to lead me and guide me into the next step or phase of my life.

Like a leave floating in the wind, I never know where I might land or what may be next, but I know that God is leading my every  move no matter what direction my life my go.

Just as refreshing as a clean house may be, I  am even more refreshed by the power of Christ.

Balancing Act

Let's just say that since I have starting working, I am learning that balancing many different things is a talent; smooth...not really, but I'm getting there!

This week has gone much better as far as getting up and out the door, meals prepared and laundry done. I could however feel my anxiety rising as I looked at our to do list this week. Brayson had his first ever school fundraiser, a fun run, which I had to help out with. He also had his Fall party which I was also planning and providing everything for. Kayla also had her very first school dance; oh my, is she really that big! I'm not ready for her to grow up this fast.... (And, don't forget our unexpected all night trip to the ER).

So, I took everything one day at a time, said a prayer, and we were off! I did work a half day on the day of the school fundraiser and the school party. I realized during both of these events how deeply God has blessed me. As I was running from one school, to my house, and then back to be with my child, and attempting to balancing it all, I stopped and thanked God. I thanked Him for providing me with a job that I can work when I want or need to, and yet I can still be a part of my kids school activities. I don't proclaim to have it all together; my husband can attest, but I am trying my best. I want my kids to look back and know that I was not a part of their life for "show" but because I really want to be.

Yes, I might have been up baking orange and black swirl cupcakes till 11:00 and putting 22 children's names on little orange bags just to "attempt" to pull off a great fall party, but the truth is; a just want to see the kids happy. I want to see my kids happy.

I might fall into bed so many nights WAY too late and wonder how I'm going to balance my day or week or wonder what went wrong with the previous day, but the best thing ever is this:

Staying up late baking cupcakes, cookies or anything my kids might need is so worth the no sleep when I hear, thanks mom, I'm so glad you did that or you were there! I'm not sure I will ever 100% figure out how to balance everything, but right now I feel blessed that God is giving me the chance to try.

Brayson and his friend at the Fun Run! This was a BLAST. They had music playing while they kids ran their laps...they had dancing laps....it was just a blast! I'm so proud of him, he did great.

Well, Brayson's Fall Party came together. All the kids got so excited when they walked in the room from recess...they started smiling and that made my day!

Brayson decorating his fall goodie bag!

Kayla and her friend all ready for their first school dance. It was a costume dance. I really can't believe that I just dropped my baby girl off at her first dance. WHERE has the time gone!

Snap.. Crackle... POP!

Snap....Crackle....POP!

His little heart was racing, his body tight as could be, sweat and tears pouring from his face, and trembling all over.

He anxiously observed as nurse after nurse came into his room to look at his arm. Crying out in pain, he was practically begging the Lord to make it feel better.

They realized rather quickly that the chances it was broke were rather high; so, an IV was going in.

Two very sweet nurses were assigned to take care of Gabe. They began to clean his arm and into panic mode he went!

"That needle is HUGE....Is that going in MY arm?"

"Yes, but it won't hurt."

"It might not hurt you, but that IS going to hurt me." 

The needle was in faster than Gabe could blink.

"What's that? It burns. I don't like it!"

"Do you mean, it's cold? That is just the fluid going through your vein. Does it taste funny?"

"No, I can't taste it, but my mouth is really dry, aww...and there is a booger on my arm!" NICE. My face is now about fifty shades of red and the nurses are cracking up! I swear, even in pain this child is ALL boy!

Finally, the nurse gives Gabe some morphine through his IV....can we say; HAPPY CHILD! Well, he was at least able to lay still while they did his x-rays.

The x-rays revealed two clean breaks all the way through his bone...OUCH! The doctor on call might not have been the best with children because Gabe happened to hear him as he walked up to the door to tell me what was in store next.

Using hand gestures he says..."The bone doctor will pull it and snap it right back into place!"

SAY WAHT?!?!?! Gabe's face turned about fifty shades of red as he instantly put me on trial.

"What are they going to do? Am I going to feel that? How are they going to do that? They ARE going to hurt me NOW."

We were told they were going to put Gabe to sleep for the procedure....PRAISE GOD!  They began to roll in all these machines. Heart monitor, portable x-ray, cast machine; It looked scary.

One new nurse walked in and Gabe said, "What are YOU doing in HERE???" "UM, I'm just getting a wipe for my phone." Gabe replied, "Oh, ok."

Poor kids was paranoid. I felt so bad for him. I watched as his eyes went back in forth examining everything and everyone so carefully.   I then went on to tell him how brave he was acting. His response to that, "I'm not brave, I'm scared to death!" Honesty! I just love that kid. I kissed his head and had to leave.

Brad and I stood outside his door, waiting, and waiting some more. I then heard a blood curling scream and I thought my body was going to dive into the room. Something was wrong, I just knew it was. We later found out that our tough little boy didn't want to miss a beat! Apparently, he is the first child to NOT fall asleep under anesthesia....yep! Right as the doctor popped his bones back inline together, he said, "I'M NOT ASLEEP...AHHHHHHHHHHH." He told us he felt and heard a loud CRUNCH! They instantly gave him more morphine to try and take the pain away. Poor Kid!

While Brad and I were in the hall way waiting, and I was rather upset, there was a very elderly lady on a bed in the hall. Every minute she would cry out, help me Lord or I need you Jesus. While this was rather comical and quite loud, it also made me think. She was obviously not quite all there and yet she was still crying out to Jesus. No matter how far gone her mental state or health may be, no one could take Jesus from her. In the worst moments of our life, no one can take Jesus from us.

The whole way to the hospital, my sweet boy cried for God to take away his pain and to help him. I believe that God answered his prayer. Gabe did not have to have surgery and is blessed that a cast will heal his bone.

So often, we feel like we are truly dying in the midst of pain, and yet we forget to stop and count our blessings. We forget that no matter how bad or painful what we are going through may be, God is always with us and guiding us, and no one can take that from us!

Praise God my sweet boy is ok, and Praise God He is always there!

Who knows, Gabe might think twice before jumping off a rock wall on a play ground again; or maybe not! :)

SPINNING OUT OF CONTROL!!!

"Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall." Psalms 55:22

My feet are throbbing and my body aches. My head is spinning and I am not sure which end is up. My children may or may not have the right lunch, and the laundry is piling up faster than I can blink. I'm running out the door with a shoe in my hand and my sanity lost in the chaos. I'm running in circles through a round-a-bout ; with no end in sight!

Breathe Amy....breathe.....

I'm not sure what is for dinner, or if eating is even a necessity as this point. When did I go from manageable to twilight zone? Everything I have been wanting and praying for is finally here, and now I am a walking disaster.  I'm crashing and burning faster than my feet can hit the floor.

Child locked out of house......I locked the door!

Breakfast....burned.

Sandwich for lunch..... minus the meat.

Noodles for dinner....burned.

Water bill....late.

Doctors appointment....forgot.

Sanity......WAY GONE!

I am so excited to finally be subbing, and yet I began to wonder if I can do this? Can I really work full time, and still be a mom, and a wife? How do people do this??? So, as I'm running through this obstacle of life, and tripping over every barricade in my way, I realize; I'm not running this race alone. Christ is running right beside me holding my hand; caring my load. My life is pulling me in a million different ways, and I took my eyes away from the one direction who can make everything make sense again.

I felt overwhelmed because I tried to do it ALL....I tried to do it alone. 

Yes, I have made about a million mistakes this week as I have transitioned from a stay at home mom to a working mom, but I have also learned a LOT! I have learned that I am not alone, and Christ will pull me through.  Dinner will get made, and laundry will eventually get done.

Life happens, and so often  will change in the blink of an eye. When obstacles arise, we have a choice; continue down the path alone or let Christ take the lead. I know I can do this because Christ will pull me through. He will run the race, and I will follow.

Tonight, I am blessed it is the weekend, and my husband is making dinner! Praise God for simple pleasures!!!

Motherhood's Mess!

Ok, I LOVE the picture above. Thank you SO much to my friend Selena who posted it on Face book.  I think I love it so much because it says what so many mothers feel, but are TERRIFIED to say out loud.

We love our children. We would die for our children, and way too often have mommy guilt over every decision we make.

We clothe and feed our children. We educate our children. We pour countless hours into mending every hurt and tear.  We run our children from one practice to another so they can grow , succeed and be the best at what God has called them to be....and we do ALL of this not because we have to, but because being a mother is the greatest gift God could ever allow a women to be.

And yet, we still feel like it is not enough. WE still feel like we fail SO many days. We are tired and exhausted and SO many times just feel like we need to breath.....

Children are not perfect, they are children. They cry, fight, yell....and pee everywhere! And in comes mom to the rescue. Mom breaks up the fight, wipes the tears and cleans up the pee; over and over and over again.

Who rescues mom? I promise there have been way too many days where I have looked like the crazy lady. The days where I love that my children are there, but if they ask me one more question I think I might run out of the house screaming.....and then I really will be the crazy lady!

Those are the moments and days I remind myself that God is the only doctor who can cure me of my motherhood woes. These days are inevitable; I have children! I walk outside, and often dare my children to follow, and spend five minutes alone with God.

I am never going to be the fairytale mother I imagine myself to be. My children are never going to be  angels, but God has given me one little gift the most mothers don't have.

When I look around at all the chaos, I will always know that there should be one more causing a mess. Two  more sweet little feet running around giving me a headache. It will always feel like my "mess" is never really messy enough.

I guess it is that precious little gift that keeps reminding me that I would not trade the craziness that surrounds me daily for anything in this whole world.

Bring it on MOTHERHOOD!

Tasty Tuesday-Greek Spaghetti

Greek Spaghetti

3 Large chicken breast(boiled, and shredded)

1/2 cup water

2 chicken bouillon cubes

1 small can black olives

1 small can mushrooms

1 can diced Italian style tomatoes

3 TBL chavenders seasoning

1 bag shredded Colby/Jack cheese

1 box thin spaghetti  noodles

2 TBL butter

1/4 cup Parmesan Cheese plus extra to top

salt and pepper to taste

Directions

Mix, tomatoes, olives, mushrooms, water, bouillon, and chavenders seasoning all together in pan. Bring to a boil, and then turn to a low simmer. Add shredded chicken to mix. Cook about 3/4 of the box of noodles. Drain noodles and place in casserole dish. Mix butter, salt, pepper, and Parmesan cheese all together into the noodles. Pour chicken mixture all over top. Top with cheese. Bake at 350 for about 15-20 minutes. Sprinkle extra Parmesan on top of each serving.

Time for Crime?!?!

"Your fingerprints have been......D.E.N.I.E.D.

"Um, what crime have I committed?" I said, as my palms started to slightly sweat and my mind was racing with questions.

 I did leave Kroger with a can of evaporated milk last week still in my buggy, not the bag. My daughter so sweetly reminds me that we did not pay for it. I KNOW.....I can see it is in the buggy and not a bag, ugh! "Well....you are going to go in and pay for mom; right?" Well, considering we were already about 20 minutes late, and the boys were home alone from the bus stop, no. I did however take it back with me days later and pay for it....but now I felt like that stinking can of milk was coming back to haunt me.

"No, ma'am. Your just weak."

What?!?! I was more than confused at this point.

"Your fingerprints. They are too weak to read." Is it possible I have dipped my hand into one too many boiling pots of water?!?!

Seriously? I have never heard of such a thing. I finally get everything in order and take the class I need to become a substitute teacher, and my fingerprints are denied. This must be a joke! So, I head back up to the school board to see  the Diva of all people, and seriously, that is what this lady calls herself.

It took her forever to get my fingerprints. Maybe this is just another sign that I am ancient old, but everything is digital now. Last time I had fingerprints done it was with an old fashion ink pad and paper. NO, now they scan your finger into a computer. Every time I would roll my finger gently, like you are supposed  to, it was too light. If I would press too hard then it would smudge and be too dark....ugh!

She finally got some she thinks will be approved by the F.B.I....so, we will see.

Who knows, if subbing doesn't work out, maybe I should take to a life of crime. I mean, they can't read my fingerprints anyways......Well, maybe that is not God's plan, but He sure is teaching me patience, and I never prayed for patience! LOL

Why oh Why, Girls?

Oh boy! Here we go again! You know how it goes. The daily tug of war....

The tug of war with THAT pair of pants. The pair of pants you seem to use as your personnel weight scale. You know what I mean. The pair of pants that you can always tell; if they are a little too tight, well then you have gained weight. If they are a little loose, then you must have lost weight.

Well, mine are tight! YEP...I have gained weight. Does this bother me? Now, there is a loaded question to ask a woman. At first, yes....what woman really wants to put on weight. And then I came back to my senses and remembered that I was way too small for a long time and I needed to gain weight, so I was ok with the weight I had gained. I was still eating healthy, for the most part, and exercising, so I knew I was gaining healthy weight.

As I begin my daily chores of folding laundry that day, I began to wonder why it had even bothered me at first. WHY oh WHY do we as women do this? Why do we let something like weight literally weigh so heavy on how we feel about ourselves? God created us in HIS image. He created each and every one of us perfectly the way He wanted us to be....

Now, can we abuse that? Absolutely. I think we need to live a healthy lifestyle, but I think we are also abusing it when we can't be happy with who we are. Our body is the temple of Christ and we are to treat it that way, always. Take care of it, not abuse it.

I wish we did not live in a society that puts so much pressure on the way a person looks. I worry about my daughter all the time. I pray that I can raise her to be a confident young lady in herself and in her body. Loving who God made her and not what the world says she should be.

My husband has always told me that the most beautiful thing about a women has nothing to do with her looks, but yet her confidence in the way she carries herself. It made me think. Has your husband ever told you to leave or (put back on your clothes....)NO, he loves you for YOU. Just the way Christ loves us for us, just the way HE made us.

Why can't we as women learn to love ourselves the way our husband's do. The way Christ does? Why can't we learn to stop sizing ourselves up every chance we get?

I am not going to pretend that I understand the deep struggle weight can really be with so many women, because I don't. I know that it often takes daily commitment and daily prayer to stay on track and to not worry about your weight. But, I do understand struggle.  I do know that no matter what the struggle is in your life, Christ is there.

I do know that we are raising a new generation of children in a society that is more mindful of weight then every before. I know that I need help and daily prayer to make sure I raise confident children.

I also know that Christ cares about every detail of our life; even our weight!

Fun Filled!

Family Day at the Georgia National Fair

OK, I just LOVE the fair! I love the noise, the smells, the rides, and everything about it! My daughter had to perform at the fair on Sunday, so it was a family day at the fair. We saw bears, sea lions, pigs, horses, and a circus the kids just loved!It was a perfect cool fall day. We ate funnel cake and all laughed as the wind blew the powdered sugar ALL over moms pink sweater and jeans; NICE!

My sweet girl dancing at the fair!

My boys....waiting by the circus line.

The bear show!

The sea lions...They are SO funny!

You really can find anything at the fair.

...and of course, a little face paint.

Mom and her sweet kids!

Daddy and his little "snow cone thief's"

Kayla on the dance float in the parade on Saturday!

Missing....

Give me this, give me that! Bless me Lord, I pray!

Give me what I think I need to make it through today.

My heart is pounding and my mind is racing with the here and now of what I think will make it all go away. I need a fix; a change. I can't live in this pain, hurt and fear anymore.

I want to burst from this bubble I've imbedded myself in and run from the darkness. I'm suffocating from within. So many days, I let this hurt capture me within my own body, and I feel like a prisoner dying to be set free.

I pray and beg God to make it all go away...give me anything to make it all better. I hate these days. They sneak up on me like a thief in the night. A random smell, place, or memory and BAM...I'm right back to the moment she was born. The moment they placed her in my arms and my world was changed forever!

Two and a half years later, and moments like these make it feel like yesterday. I miss her....I really miss her. There is a part of me that just wants to scream for God to give her back, and then there is that part that knows she is in a way better place.

The crazy thing is; I only held her in my arms for one day. I had one day to dress her, hold her, kiss her, and cuddle her, but I have a  lifetime to love her, and I can't imagine my life without ever having her.  

Through her death, Christ has shown me strength and courage I never wanted to have. I never wanted to put on a brave face. I never wanted to be strong enough to deal with the death of one of my children...I wanted to run. I wanted to run and fade away until there was nothing left, but God wanted more.

He had a plan for me and for her. He knew that through her 37 weeks of life, she would still bring joy and laughter into the world. I was ecstatic to be pregnant with my sweet girl. She brought so much joy into my life, and I loved every minute of being pregnant with her; I only wish I had known...

I wish I had known I was going to have to say good bye the moment I said hello. I wish I could kiss her perfect face just one more time....and yet that is where my joy comes in. I will! I will get to kiss her over and over again when I reach heavens gates, and my heart can't wait!

This world is yet a vapor, and heaven is an ETERNITY....Praise God I WILL see her again!

LOVE.....

This has to be my favorite time of year.

I love the smell of pumpkin candles circulating through my house and spice cake cooking in the oven.

I love to open the windows and feel the breeze sweep throughout my house.

I love to feel the grass beneath my feet as I listen to my kids laughing as they ride their bikes up and down the street.

I love the morning air as I sit on the front porch soaking in the beauty of the day.

I love orange, yellow, green and brown, and ALL the colors of fall.

I love warm homemade chili and baked apples while curled up on the coach watching Gator football with my husband.

I love the smell of funnel cake while walking through the fair.

I love, absolutely LOVE, how God always swoops in and catches me just when I need Him the most! He gives me a new season and fresh air just when I feel like I am drowning from within.

I love how I am never alone, even when my heart feels empty.

I simply love how God loves me....

Tasty Tuesday Treat

OH MY.....This is a Yummy Fall Treat!

Cupcakes
-1 box Spice cake mix
-1 can 15 oz pumpkin
-2 eggs
-1/4 cup water

Icing
-1/2 bag white chocolate chip morsels
-8 oz cream cheese(room temperature)
-2 tsp. vanilla
-1/2 cup unsalted butter(room temperature)
-1 cup powder sugar

Directions
Mix all ingredients together and bake your cupcakes. I made mini cupcakes just for fun.

For icing: Melt white chocolate. (I melt in microwave). Let cool for about a minute and then mix in all other ingredients and blend till smooth. You will need an icing bag to put your icing on your cupcakes.

Top your cupcakes with your icing.

These are so GOOD....and the perfect fall treat!

Finished product.

I had some help baking.

...and icing.

oh, and tasting!

Fall Break-Get Away

Fall Break means: Sleeping in, baking with my kids, windows open, going to the fair, and a day trip to the mountains.... We hiked, explored, and it even warmed up just enough for a VERY cold dip in the river....(For the kids that is).

Sprewell Bluff Park- Thomaston Georgia

I'm ready!

Ready to hike!

My little Adventure Man.

Climbing up the mountain.

Climbing up on a big rock they found.

Sliding down the rock!

My turn :)

Standing on a large flat rock in the river.

He found a frog in the water, and caught it!

Daddy helping little man climb back down the mountain...

Pretty girl.

You go first....It is REALLY cold....

Some of God's creation we found along the way.

Fun in the river.