Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Forever Thankful

Forever Thankful

This is not the way it was supposed to be. Why did my life fall apart?

I can't tell you how many times these questions have circulated round and round in my head. So many nights I find myself searching and pleading with God for answers that don't seem to exist. I crave my little girl so deeply I feel like I might explode some days. She would be two now, and I imagine her coming into my room because she can't sleep. I imagine her crawling into my lap as I gently cradle her and comfort her tears. I then find myself longing to hold her again, and yet it is my tears, and not hers I am wiping away.

 My heart is pleading to go back in time. Why did God need her.....I need her more!

I beg God to change the unchangeable because selfishly, I can't let go. I can't let go of wanting her back. I can't let go of missing her. I can't let go of the hurt. I can't get her back....but; I can let go and let God.

I am not sure why God choose me to the mother of an angel....I never thought I could. I never thought my heart could hurt and love with so much emotion all wrapped into one.

I never knew that I could be strong enough to be thankful for all I have been through and blessed for all God has shown me.

When your child dies, your heart is broken into a million pieces and you feel as though you must go through life as a broken puzzle, empty, lost....never the same again.

Along the journey, I realized that the puzzle was slowly being put back together and I had a choice to make.

I could be angry, bitter, and miserable for the rest of my life because my little girl was gone; none of which would ever bring her back or change what happened or, I could live. I could live through Christ who gives me hope and a future. He pulls me to my feet daily and allows me to smile and move forward. He reminds me that this life is short and one day I will see my sweet angel again.

I choose hope and I choose to be thankful. I am thankful for every minute of the 37 weeks He gave me with Bethany Hope. I am thankful for the sweet hiccups that kept me up night after night in my pregnancy. I am thankful for the little movements I would feel as she would wiggle and move across my belly. I am thankful for the precious 8 hours I got to hold her after she was born.

I'm thankful for the love of a Savior to pull me through even till the end.....

I am Forever Thankful for my Sweet Bethany Hope. She has made me who I am today!
post signature


  1. Oh, Amy - I needed to read this today. Missing my girl too as December comes around and the anniversary of finding out we would lose her. Wishing she could be here with us. I need to remember all the things I am thankful for - especially that I got to be her Mom and that I will hold her again in heaven. HUGS!!

  2. Such a beautiful post... choosing hope is such a wonderful thing xoxo

  3. I'm glad that you can type up such beautiful words...words of strength and hope. Something many of us must learn to have too. Thank you for reminding me that I too can hope...some days I feel crumbled but today will feel tomorrow is the true blessing.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...